Why?
by MrsCena1
Summary: Each time we had a fight i would ask him the same question everytime and it was the same answer everytime time. Why? He said "It doesn't mean anything." I would say "but why do you do it?"
1. Breaking up

Chapter 1

I stepped backwards still looking at her and him trying not to let one single tear drop from my face in front of them. I just turned and ran out the bedroom door; it seemed the right thing to do right now seeing as how he wasn't able to get me at the moment.

I moved down the steps two at a time, somehow it made me the pain dull just a little. The only thing that came to my mind was oh my god repeating itself over and over as I finally made it to my jeep.

When I got in and buckled up, I couldn't turn the keys over to start the car. Every emotion that you could even think of was running though me at this point like nascars on tracks trying to win the cup. I wanted to beat him so bad that he might feel the pain I'm in right now; on the other hand I just wanted to run away from all this drama.

A knocking came on my car window bringing me back to the real world as I tried wiping the tears from my cheeks. Randy's voice rang out in utter desperation at this moment pleading with me not go. He wanted me to stay, so we could talk thing out and try to fix things between us. I shook my head no softly and turned my keys over as I put my car in reverse. I backed out quickly and dropped it in drive speeding out of the parking lot and in the streets wiping my eyes, so I could see.

I just wanted to go home and cry my eyes out as I watched a sad movie that was on TV, My phone started ringing out of my purse as I drove on knowing who was calling me. Every time I left the house it was someone different and I always went back no matter what. I always made excuses for him trying not to have the truth shown to me even though it's right here in front of my face. A part of me can't face the truth.

I pulled in at my mom's sitting out front waiting for the tears to start, thank goodness for tissues. My phone started ringing again getting on my nerves. It made no sense to change my number anymore because I'd just give it to him after we'd make up.

I finally decided it was time to go in and talk to my mom, so I can get the lecture over with because I know she has one already prepared. It was the same one every time me and Randy got into a fight. Something about you need to leave him, he's holding you back. It was in that range of things.

Mom had redone the porch; she sat the swing and the dining table out in the yard along with the grill. I had about an hour or two before Randy would be over here giving his speech to me. This wasn't the life I had planned for me and him.

My mom's mini chihuahua came running to the door barking softly trying to get everyone's attention that I was here.

I looked in the screen looking around and finally looking at my mamaw as she rocked slowly back and forth watching something on TV. My mamaw can be the sweetest person in the world or the meanest person in the world. She had on a blue colored night gown and some house shoes to match her night gown. Her soft gray hair was up in a nice ponytail laying off to her left side. She looked at me with her soft blue eyes smiling softly as she motioned for me to come in. I did pulling up the door by the bottom since the door was broken a long time ago.

Aaron wasn't at the computer and the kitchen door was closed indicating that she wasn't here since my mom is always in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, etc. She never once surprised me at how she could just keep going and going like a Duracell bunny in those commercials.

I had an urging to ask mamaw where mom is right now. I let the feeling go and sat quietly too tired from crying earlier to cry now. I was kind of happy because I don't want my mamaw to see me cry again. I got the strange feeling that she did get tired of always seeing me hurt and crying almost all the time.

I thought about the time me and him went to the mountains for a week and stayed. It was so nice and romantic that we laughed, talked, and watched movies together. We got along so well that I wish I could go back in time and do that week all over again. There was love back then; now to him it feels like he just wants someone around to come home to. That thought brought a cold chill down my spine all of sudden making me shiver for a moment. I looked at my mamaw who was still watching the TV not paying attention to anything else.

I heard a car door slamming quickly making me come back to my world and off my mamaw for the moment. I already knew who it was. Randy. I didn't get up though. What's the point really? A loud knock came on the door, making me jump a little. Randy's voice yelled out mad and sad at the same time.

Randy said "Jennifer baby let me in."

I got up slowly up slowly walking toward the door finally letting the tears come down my cheeks as I unlatched the screen motioning him to come in.

I said "I'm done."

He looked at me now with a smirk that seemed to cocky almost for too good to fit his face. I crossed my arms over my chest still crying a little, but still trying to be strong. This seemed so hard and painful, but I need this to happen now rather than later.

His expression turned serious now as he reached for me, but all I did was move back not wanting to feel his touch. He got the message as he nodded turning around and walking down the steps out of my life. I turned around going back in the house and to my room laying on my bed and just letting the tears fall and the angry, frustration, and all the screaming I could get out. Finally I fell asleep from crying. 

Tell me what you think please.


	2. Trying To Start Over

Chapter 2

6 months went by and I hadn't heard anything from Randy which hurt me even more than I have these couple of months, I stay off to myself now days not wanting to talk or seeing anyone. I do my job at home and emailed my papers in to Vince to avoid bumping into Randy. The only time I went to the office was for the meetings we had every month. When we had them, I still got scared of the chance I might see Randy.

The pain that I started getting when I left Randy six months ago, still comes all the time hurting so bad that I had to stop and sit down until I finally cried all the pain out. The pain felt like my heart was telling me to go back to him even though he cheated on me left and right. Plus he never even gave me an apology or an explanation once; things just went back to normal. I cooked, I cleaned, etc. While he watched TV or went to the gym (or as he said), some days he'd come home all sweaty and other times he'd come home clean. Nothing ever seemed to change with him. He always thought that he was god's gift to woman and that he would really settle down and marries someone. All he ever really wanted from that relationship was someone here to do all the cooking, and things that needed to be done.

I pulled a tissue from the box and cleaned my eyes slowly trying to get the memories away from my mind, but one showed up for a reason. It was the time I met Randy at the Christmas party they had at work at headquarters of WWE. He was wearing a nice white dress jacket and dress pants to match. The dress shirt was blue behind the jacket that completed the whole suit. The suit looked very nice on him. I didn't notice him until he stepped forward as I was walking over by the punch bowl giving me that smirk that could make a girl fall over dead. I smirked back at him.

I stopped the memory instantly trying to ignore the betrayal, pain, and all the time I put into that relationship and this is the thanks I get for it. I got up quickly tipping over my coffee and couch.

An hour later my house was trashed completely as I fell in the floor going to my bedroom, all I did was start crying again putting my back to the wall and pulling my knees up to my chest. I buried my face in my knees letting every tear that could fall out.

My life isn't getting better; it's getting worse without him. Everyone says time heals everything. Well where is time? This hole in my chest isn't healing. I want all this pain to be over with already, it hurts to bad to cope anymore. It feels like someone's ripping my heart out and throwing it away in the trash.

I heard my phone ringing in t helving room as I got up. It was on the counter going in the kitchen. The only person that has this number is Vince. As I walked to my phone, I tried to make my voice normal, so he would notice anything. I answered the phone slowly crossing my fingers as I spoke softly to him.

I said "Hello."

My voice seemed normal just the way I wanted it to. Something told me that this was a friendly call it was for a reason.

Vince asked "Jennifer how are you?"

I asked "Doing the same I guess u?"

He said "I'm sorry. The reason why I'm calling you is we're changing things around the shows and going to HD now I need every employee at this meeting to explain and discuss the material and things."

I waited a few minutes before I answered his question as I started weighing in the good and bad. The good part is I get I get to keep my job and the bad part is I might have to see Randy. The instant that thought came in to my mind, my belly got butterflies and my heart skipped so many beats that I lost count after five.

I said "I'll be there."

My voice sounded excited even though I wanted to sound hurt and sad like it was a few minutes ago. Maybe if my voice did sound that way I wouldn't have to go.

Vince said "Good."

We said our goodbyes and I started off to my room to pack and get ready for my flight tomorrow, something told me that I'll need all my strength to handle what's in store for me. Finally after an hour of packing, I laid down softly on my bed as I setting my alarm clock for 5. I hated to get up at that time, but I had to make it to the airport before 7:30.

When I laid my head back to go to sleep, I couldn't for over an hour. I had to make myself go to sleep then. It wasn't that hard anymore like it was when I first moved in and had a empty space in my bed. I use to feel Randy crawl in the bed around four or three in the morning. Now I didn't feel that anymore even though I still wake up at those hours of the night. I don't feel his arm around my waist anymore; through everything we went through I still got goosebumps when he touched. The last time he touched me was that morning when I left to go to the store and get some food to cook that night. He gave me a sweet kiss before he went to go watch some game on the TV.

I started crying when I came back from the memory as I buried my face in the pillow and screamed so loud that if I didn't bury my face in the pillow I would have woken up the entire apartment building. A part of me didn't care anymore what happened; I don't care if I eat anymore. I do care for showers though twice a day.

I stopped crying and closed my eyes as sleep drifted back to me slowly.

Reviews please, thank you so much for the ones who do review.


	3. Seeing Him

Chapter 3

I rose up quickly jumping out of my bed and went running into the bathroom, when I did get there and turned on the light, so I could look in the mirror. I saw that I'm sweating so bad my hair is ringing wet. All I did was stare in the mirror looking at myself and how I looked so tired that this person staring back at me isn't really me, it's someone else in my body. The thought made my whole turned cold like ice water had just been thrown me.

My eyes were blood shot from the tears that I let come down my cheeks for six months every day. My weight had dropped really low, when I went to the doctor last Monday I weighed 83 pounds. I'm not proud of myself as I felt my confidence drop that instant. I let myself go theses last few months. I didn't feel like putting on any make or rolling my hair anymore. Somehow the feeling made me think it would make me look available even though I wanted to be for Randy in a way and a way not.

I felt the butterflies flying around at a rate that made me dizzy; I sat down on the toilet practicing holding back my tears in case I did see him. Each second they passes my chest ached even more than the last missing so bad it might actually kill me if I don't take him back. My heart pounded faster at the moment of mention of taking him back as goosebumps formed all over my body as I could feel his soft touch on my arm. Great now I'm going crazy as I buried my face in my hands and cried so loud that all the time I've spent trying to fight all the angry and frustration these last month is are coming out for the moment as I looked in the mirror dropping my hands to the side of me. I want him here slipping his arms around me when I was getting ready in the morning or felt his kisses.

I felt the angry rising again like it was the other day when I torn my whole living room apart. This time I torn every inch of my bathroom knocking off the toilet lid, destroying my shower curtain into tiny pieces, throwing the shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, and toilet tissue that wasn't everywhere as I finally dropping in the floor on a empty place that didn't have all the shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, and toilet tissue wasn't in that place as still feeling every emotion that needed to be felt right now. Pain, hurt, angry. This new angry that seemed to want to come out right when I wanted to beat him so badly that he'd feel what I felt right now. For right now I dropped the feelings and got up trying to clean up everything that I destroyed from just a few minutes ago still crying a little. It took me twenty minutes to get everything done and a nice shower hurrying letting myself believe I'm meeting Randy like I use to before we moved in together. I remember the first time he kissed me it was so sweet that night we made love for time. It made me think I'm so lucky to have someone like him. Then with one blink everything changed, he was a different person overnight. I never wanted him to change; maybe he just needed more time to change back. I thought that if I kept thinking that he might change for me. I was a darn fool, trying not to feel the stupidity coming in my heart. I get it I'm idiot for believing that stuff I said to myself. I wanted those things to come true, hoping and praying that he would turn into a perfect guy that he was when we first met. That thought made my heart ache a slow painful ache the kind you get when someone you love passes on to the next life. To be honest that feeling gave me a bad and cold feeling wrapped in one.

I rose up slowly wiping my cheeks of the tears that had been shield a few minutes ago. I felt weak like I just wanted to lay down and never moved again. Maybe the pain would go away? Something deep in my mind kept saying it wouldn't slowly trying to make me drill the thought in my mind to keep in case I needed it. I shook my head softly and started coming into the bedroom looking around. I haven't really looked around in here much; there were boxes everywhere that need to be unpacked. Somehow I didn't even have the energy to unpack them knowing some of them had pictures of me and Randy in those boxes. It was too much to handle, seeing his face right now. I don't know how I handle it later on at the meeting. I felt even more worse when I picked up my bag and turned around taking all my feeling with me as I braced myself for whatever lies ahead, I walked out of my place afraid to go on a plane. The last time I had been on one was with Randy when we were heading home. I stopped myself form crying trying to ignore the pain maybe it'll go away.

My apartment complex believed in both elevators and stairs. I took the stairs needing the air quicker than the elevator. I moved on to my car feeling scared and excited at the same time wanting to run faster and see him, but scared because I might start crying in front of everyone. It seemed like my life is never going to be the same again. I'm going to have to live with this pain forever, having to a huge hole in my chest so big and full of pain that no person can ever really fill it. I felt my heart breaking even more as me being alone for the rest of my life. The thought made me hurry quickly to my car afraid that someone will see me start crying. This is going to be even harder than I thought because the meeting is probably going to be long. I wish we had those short meetings that were about 25-30 minutes long and then you could leave. Vince wasn't the type of guy though he wanted to make sure we understood the things that went on in the meetings. I grabbed soft tissue from the box and wiped some tears away before I started the car to leave. In a way I dried this because I had to face everyone and I haven't seen anyone in months. So without any further stalling, I threw my bag in to the back of the explorer. My mom had almost the same except hers was white with gray trim and two door where mine is all black with four doors. My brother always loves to ride in mine for his own door.

The ride to the airport seemed long as I got on the freeway to try and make the time go fast, but for right now I decide to pass the time I thought about the things that I could say to him if he tried to talk to me. Nothing came to mind though, just blank. I wanted to get words out in here to say them right. All I felt was sadness and hurt followed by questions. What if I'm not strong enough to face him? What if I slip and kiss him back? When I said that I felt angry and excited. When we kissed it was like pure love for me, I felt happy and peaceful like nothing could touch me or us. My heart ached for that right now needing him to be beside me. I agreed with myself that from here on and out not to think about him anymore. I could put a nice strong wall in case he tries anything. My mind liked the idea making me smile a little. The last time I smiled was when I saw Randy that morning before I left to go to the store.

So for the rest of the ride to the airport I stayed quiet listening to Nickel back, Guns N Roses, etc. I finally pulled in a nice parking space to the right in the second row. When I got my things out and shut my door, my belly started feeling nervous and sour as I kept walking on in the airport and on the plane. The sooner this meeting is over the better, that's all I could really hope for or as I made myself believe as deep down in me my excitement seemed to rise up little by little.

I entered the plane giving the lady my ticket for my seat as she showed me to first coach, she was young 25 or 26 maybe with long brown hair that came to her waist with a bounce of curls to it. She is skinny to under 100 pounds I bet, she's nice though and sweet. Her voice seemed like a whisper at times as she showed me to my seat and let me get comfortable. First class wasn't that packed so you could see people drinking something or reading. There were a few superstars in here like Kelly and Eve sat together sat on the left in front. Hunter and roc followed behind talking about how they're going to celebrate some win for hunter. And finally Randy and Dave sat together not talking to each at all. Randy looked tired when I glanced at him for a second time. I felt the butterflies start to fly around me as my head began to spin. Through everything I felt hurt and pain from all the times I tried to fix things with him.

His eyes turned to me softly giving me a soft smile and a wink. His eyes seemed normal again like they were when he kissed me. Not sorry for anything. I had to ball my fist up in a nice tight ball; I could feel all my strength in this one ball. I would rather cry. The crying calmed me in a way. Randy had on a nice black dress shirt and blue jeans with dress shoes on, typically. Rather than sit here and try to watch him, I pulled out my vampire academy book even though I've read it ten times. It's a very good book, its set in this vampire academy in Montana where these half human/half vampires are studying to become guardians to Moroi (Vampires). Rose Hathaway half human/half Moroi in training runs away with her best friend Lissa who is a Moroi to try and escape the academy only to be brought back by the famous, but quiet Dimitri is half human and half vampire. During Roses training sessions with Dimitri, Rose grows feelings for Dimitri as does Dimitri for Rose. Both of them try and hide them from each when finally a trip to the mall with Lissa and some others gets Rose a necklace with a rose on the chain a spell to make Dimitri and Rose almost make love. When Dimitri takes off the necklace the spell is broken and Rose tells Dimitri about Lissa getting kidnapped as they both go after her. After they bring her back, Rose goes visits Victor the one who kidnapped Lissa for her to cure his disease through her magic. Rose decides to go see him almost getting killed by his daughter Natalie who has turned Strogi (a mean heartless vampire who hunts people through the night feeding. At the end they both tell each other how they feel and how rose should have told about the kissing and stuff. It's an amazing book.

I caught up with my book and forgot all about the airplane moving, so when I started seeing everyone moving I looked up slowly scared to see everyone or be noticed. I should have worn a hat or something at least to cover myself; the airplane people would have thought I'm someone wanting to kill people or something like that. No one really noticed me except Randy who went after me as I tried to lose myself in the crowd feeling the tears coming along with the hurting in my chest. It seemed the hole is getting bigger and bigger every moment that went by.

When I though I lost him, I felt his touch on my arm so light that it tinged where his hand was as he pulled me off to the side. I could finally see the hurt and pain in his eyes. Like the day I told him I was done, I had to look away that face made my wall come down an inch. I can't handle this. It's too hard being this close to him I can feel his breath on face he was so close. His face inched down to mine making me lean up on instinct wanting to feel his lips on mine. My hole seemed to close up now not hurting anymore. His lips connected with mine making everything in the world go away even all the problems and feelings. My hold body went num.

Keep review please thanks.

HYPERLINK "\l """Review this Chapter

Top of Form 1

" type=button

Bottom of Form 1

Return to Top


	4. Easy on me

Chapter 4

The kiss seemed long and passionate making my whole body go warm and tingly. I wanted this kiss to last forever, but the screaming in my mind pulled me away softly. I felt all the tinglyness and warmth going away instantly when our touch broke to be returned by sadness and hurt. I don't want to feel like this anymore. Doesn't he see that? Somehow I felt that he didn't feel anything all he's wanting is to get one last thing from me. I could feel the hurting coming even stronger now than it has been.

His soft voice rang only for me to hear, making me miss him that much more. The last time I heard his voice was when I told him I was done on my mom's doorstep. I realized all of sudden that this is like quitting cold turkey, like one of those people on drugs getting rehab. The feeling didn't feel right to me, all this time I spent away might make me do something crazy. I could feel my body wanting to do something crazy loving the new idea I just got a few seconds ago, but my heart didn't want to. All my heart wanted to do is start the healing process.

He whispered "I missed you so much baby."

His voice sounded so sad and lonely that I had to look away from him in order to hold back my tears that wanted to fall down my cheeks. His voice made my heart skip so many beats that I thought I might die right now in this airport, that'd be my luck miss the meeting and all over a stupid guy. Even though I'm mad at this man I can't stop my heart from skipping beats.

My brain told my legs to start moving as they did what they were told Randy stopped me sending the warm and tingly feeling back through me. I felt alive when I was around him; I had more energy now than I have in months.

I spoke lightly scared I might say something more and lead him in the direction he wants me to lead him on. The direction he wants me to. The way he wants to go is me spending the night with me and then he'll be thinking everything is on between us. My heart's 50/50 on that thought. Seeing him brought back so many memories that I can't seem to make them stop now. The good and bad, even though the bad outweighed the good, I could feel my heart already breaking by just standing here this close smelling his minty fresh breath thanks to his extra gums. This wasn't right for him to hurt me like this and not even give me and I'm sorry or anything. I don't deserve any of this, my body started going lifeless as I started crying a little. The crying couldn't be stopped making me cry a little harder almost fall to my knees in the airport. Something told me in a soft whisper it would a little. The whisper was so light and scary that I had to cringe away from him. When he talked this tie his voice was sweet and kind like it was when we went on our first date with a nice picnic basket at some beautiful park with a pond that was surrounded by ducks that was hungry for bread or bird food.

The thought made me hold my chest scared that my heart might fall out if I didn't. The feeling always got worse every time a memories, it can't be ignored like it use to where I'd have a pain here and there when me and him were together.

He asked "Can I at least talk to you?"

I pounder his question thinking if this was a good idea or not. Talking couldn't hurt right? Something about how he said it got me a bad feeling way down in my stomach. My angry got the best of me, wanting to tell him off so bad and try to make him feel and see what I've been going though these few months.

I said "Alright."

My voice was firm and mean as I walked ahead of him trying to go ahead and get a taxi. A limo would be better in a way more room to sit by myself. Randy's sneaky trust me. When we lived together he could sneak out without me knowing, but when he came back he got lazy and just crawled in bed. Someway it didn't make one bit of difference if he tried or not to sneak out, I always knew he would. I just loved him like I do now to leave him. I was holding myself back from moving on. I hate to admit that something deep down in me wants to stay with him so much that he could cheat on me forever and I wouldn't care. In the long run he'd fall for someone else and leave me in the dust; I always had that feeling deep in my heart that it's going to happen soon. I just pushed it away scared that if I do think about it that it might come true.

His movement made me look back up at him instantly nervous of what he was about to do. His soft hand grabbed mine to intertwine our fingers as he walked on, but I didn't move a muscle. The warm tingly feeling surfaced again making me want to let him hold my hand and never ever let go of his. My brain moved a lot faster than my heart making me jerk back my hand putting it my side. His hand fell to his side as well, making my hand go cold and still. He thinks he can just act like nothing has happened and hold my hand. I wanted to just beat him so bad he can't get up anymore. This isn't the time and place my brain screamed at me loudly making me let go of all the angry that surfaced over my boiling point range.

He smirked slowly walking ahead as I followed way behind him seeing how much he hasn't changed one bit in the last six months. My heart didn't really want him to; this is the guy that I fall for every time I look at him. The charm made me almost faint, his kisses seemed so alive and peaceful I couldn't break away at times. I'm in love with everything about this man; nothing needs to change except the cheating. God how much I missed this man makes me want to just run up and kiss him, my heart agreed leaping forward as did my foot. When my foot finally reached its leaping point, I almost hit him in the backing as I tried to back away slowly nervous of his eyes. This man must be in his own world when he continued on down the entrance. I could feel my heart slowing down and all the pain coming back now at once.

When I looked out I saw a nice Lincoln town stretch limo outside with a young man maybe in 20 or 21 in that range smiling at us as his other hand got caught in the sunshine when he held the door open for us. He seemed to like his job a little, but it wasn't really much there to see if you don't look hard. He wore a suite with a door man's hat tipping it off to me as I climbed in slowly looking around the limo. It's amazing in here, full bar, a lot of room, a small TV. I felt like I've died and gone to limo heaven. There was two more seats setting across from each other as was the one that you got in=, all leather to. There was a look of wood trim around the handles and bar.

Randy's coming in made me look in his way, he sat next to me looking at me now. His eyes seemed excited and happy right now as he lowered his head mine wanting a kiss from me. God only knows how much I wanted to kiss him right now, but my brain stopped me this time. It's like a trance that I can't seem to break with him. When he looks at me like that my body freezes so bad I can't move anything except my lips. I moved looking at the front hoping he would just forget it. I felt my heart skipping beats again like it did earlier in the airport. After a few minutes of staring at me he did looking at the window as did I seeing different things. Buildings were in different sizes going from small to medium then to big.

The car ride seemed long and uncomfortable when neither one of talked. I wanted to wait until we got to the hotel room to speak my mind that way I'd have plenty of room to stop him in case he tries anything out of order. I didn't feel the trust anymore that I had before for him, it's stupid to trust a man that cheats. I did though he could tell me a lie and I'd know it was one, but I just explained it to myself that it was the truth. Even though my heart got mad at me for believing his lies and tall tales. I use to walk the floors during the day wishing he'd come home and be the man he was when we first started dating. We'd both be happier in our own ways of course.

The car stopping in front of the hotel made me open my door to the limo feeling the cold knob around my hand felt nice in away. My still felt tingly from just a few moments ago when his hand came in mine. The kiss from about an hour ago lingered on my lips wanting to feel his lips one more time. My heart wasn't kept ready for him to go in that direction anymore. This wasn't what I planned for either; all I wanted was to get this meeting over with and go back home. Is that to much to ask for? To me it felt like it was too much to ask for at any time in my life on somedays and then on other days I felt like I was a used car ready for the junkyard.

I stopped looking around the entrance of the hotel and saw so many beautiful roses that I couldn't keep count of them. The roses were in different colors to along with green vines intertwined with me making the entrance look like a rose garden. The look made me want to pick one, but I pulled my hand back slowly just wanting to look at one for a few minutes. The trim around the doors had green vines around the frame, the door was a hardwood that a dark color that seemed to fit perfect. Two door men stood on each side opening the door for me with smiles that seemed unhappy if you look closely. Guilt consumed my heart for the moment sad that they weren't happy with their jobs. I gave them sweet smiles as I walked in the hotel. The inside was more amazing than the outside, the place had white wall paper with green mini flowers and grass around the high four walls. Roses separated everywhere around the walls under the line that made the grass. All the future is green too in the lobby, I got the feeling of so much love and excitement is here underneath all this noise and busyness that appeared all around me.

I walked slowly up to the desk to request a room, a blonde young girl maybe 18 or 19 appeared smiling soft asking me how I am and what kind of room I wanted. I told her one bedroom would be fine quickly wanting to get up to my room and unpack before Randy got there, he's kind of snoopy. I smiled a little trying to hold back a nice laugh. The girl only took five minutes giving me my room key with a smile. I got the feeling she saw Randy get out of the car first and just wants to talk to him, typically though. A nice sigh of relief came over me as I walked away. The sigh made me breath a little easier, but I still didn't feel the way I use though. A nice sigh of relief came over me as I walked away. The sigh made me breath a little easier, but I still didn't feel the way I use to. I was upbeat, ready for anything that came past me. How I wish I could feel that now. I need that feeling; I just can't find it in me anymore. It's lost somewhere in my pain and madness.

The hall felt cold and scary like one of those out of a bad movie that you can't seem to get over on TV anymore. It felt my house all over again, and the morning I walked in on Randy and some girl. The air in that room felt cold and lonely. I had to stop breathing for a moment just to stop the tears, I stopped thinking scared it might be more painful each time I block the memory. I kept walking hoping that the memoires would just stop. The elevator seemed to dull the memory as I contracted on the low sound of the elevator coming up to the main floor before the bell rang to signal the doors to open and let me in. I walked in scared this thing might get stuck; then again that's my luck. I pushed the number four button as I realized the button felt like pure plastic, but they're warm as is the elevator. The elevator is nice inside with the same look as the lobby does making me feel the wall where a nice red rose is painted. I felt peace here at this hotel, something that I have been in dying needing to feel for a long time.

The elevator jumped a little ringing the bell for the doors to once again open for me as I walked out to see vases and tables with roses of different colors on a nice long end table that was one to each wall. The walls were like the lobby only the grass and roses were darker here. This floor seemed more jungle type than the elevator and lobby. I walked on slowly looking around the hall at each rose vase that sat on the table; the first one was red, then pink, then white, etc. I finally I made to my room 404 right on the money I thought as I opened the door slowly looking in the room. The room was the same as the hall along with the future, even the bed cover was just grass. It still looked amazing to me though.

I heard a soft knock at the door. Randy. It popped in my head instantly with pain and hurt coming along with the say of his name. I walked quickly over to the door on accident; slower would be easier right? I could feel my heart already racing and my hands getting all clammy with sweat that seemed to be more and more at this point. Was this a sign of more love symptoms? I reached for the knob slowly taking a nice deep breath trying to get a hold of myself, but it didn't work my heart pounded even louder when I released my breath into the air. I turned the cold knob slowly hoping my hand would slip, but it didn't. That only added to my disappointment.

I opened the door ready for whatever is about to be thrown at me. I looked at him with the same love as I always have almost forgetting the pain and hurt this man caused me. My heart and body still wanted him. I let him in walking away from the door and standing next to the couch that was green, it looked nice and soft. Something that you could sleep on while watching a good movie that thought seemed nice right about now.

The door closed easily making that click noise that came behind all those new doors have those I guess. I'm babbling to myself hoping to keep myself from walking over to him. His movement stopped at the couch leaning on it look at me with his blue eyes so pretty that I could melt right now. I spoke normal asking him the question that seemed to be in the middle here.

I asked "What is there to talk about?"

He didn't answer me at first trying to find a way to say this without beating around the bush really. When he finally did speak, it felt like a whole year went by, but it was only a few seconds. The tension that was in the limo followed us to here in my room. His voice rang out normal as well as he looked away from me now outside the window to see the sun shining in the room.

He said "I want us together."

The question seemed so loud and echoing through the room at a slow pace. My heart wasn't ready for that type of question; I could already feel my eyes begin to fill up with water as my heart already started breaking. I managed to keep my voice normal when I spoke to him softly.

I said "All I want is to get this meeting over and go home."

He said "Babe look I know what I've done to hasn't been easy on you, but I've changed."

I said "You got that right it hasn't been easy on me, I can't even move on from you because I still love you. I can't go a day without wanting to be with you, to feel your kiss, to have your arms around me while we watch a nice movie. I can't go without a day where I have a memory of us even though I try to block everything about of out of my mind. When I do think of us my heart breaks so bad I can't move for an hour, I drop to my floor from crying so hard. This isn't what I deserve from you or anyone. I was there when you need in the medical room, at the house when you couldn't get out of bed because of an injury; I was there when we meet your parents. I was there when you crawled into bed late in the night thinking I was asleep or walking back and forth trying to get up the nerve to leave and each time I stalled because it was so hard not hearing your voice or to feel your touch on my skin. I was there when I believed you when you made up those stupid lies or walking in on you the last time and feeling the cold and loneliness in the room that morning, hearing my world coming to a crash. You don't know how hard it's been for me these last six months. I tore my house to pieces getting mad at you for all the times you've cheated on me. Trying to get some peace in my heart to feel a whole you put there. I haven't seen or talked to anyone, but Vince these last six months not having the energy to go anywhere."

I cried now letting him see the damage that he caused by himself to me. I felt the hole hurting now releasing the pain for him to see that had been bottled up for months. Everything came into play as I sat on the chair arm crying a little harder this time on accident. Waiting for him to walk out, only he didn't. He came closer to me standing next to before leaning down slowly beside me. His hand lay on my wrist making the tinglyness and warmth in his touch as he brought my right wrist down to my side. His soft hand came under my chin as his lips met mine in instant passion as we both pulled each other to the bed.

Reviews please thanks!


	5. Time To Think

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning rubbing my eyes softly trying to get out all the matter that usually comes when you sleep. I felt happier when waking up in the morning than I have in a while. Deep down in my heart this feeling of guilty came rising up and staying there wanting to be talked about. The rise of excitement and peace came stronger with each heart beat that went by. I don't really feel like crying right now when I looked slowly up at Randy who is hugging me up now. I saw his shut and I could feel his chest rising up then going down a second later. His chest felt warm and nice on my cheek, this is what I missed for so long. Pillows aren't really good to be hugging up.

My mind came screaming back to me telling me this wasn't right and I had done something that shouldn't have been done. I should have just made him leave and never speak to him again, but last night when we made love I felt like the hole in my chest had been filled and nothing can reopen the hole. I also remember the pain this main caused me too, that's something I can't ever forget. A piece of me knows that and every time I look at him, all the months of crying and trying to find some way to cope with everything that happened between us. Two years we're were together, I held the relationship up without even an offer from him to help. I moved away from him slowly saying good bye to the tingly feeling that that happened when we touched each other.

My feet touched the cold carpet easy as did the rest of my body tried easing off the bed trying so hard not to wake him up. I felt relief come over me in a slow and steady that said its all ok. All I need is my heart to say that instead of my relief saying that. My legs guided across the room quickly making the cold wind hit my thighs and feet. I had put on Randy's dress shirt on at some point last night. The shirt is ten times bigger than me almost completely swallowing me whole. When I slipped the shirt on, I could feel his arms around me. It made me smile a little as I walked over to the window to look down at the people that walked around. New York never seemed to stop amazing me each time I came here. People were either sad or happy as they walked to wherever they needed to go. The people were hiding the pain and the other people showed their happiness. I wish that I can be one of the happy people. My heart leaped in excitement at that thought, the excitement stayed still growing little by little every second. Sadness seemed to disappear for right now, making me feel a little better about myself. It's weird to me no matter how bad I seem to look yesterday, Randy still wanted to talk to me and spend time with me. Even with the blood shot eyes, unstraightened hair, no make-up me. This is the plain me I guess, all the make-up and straightening seemed useless to me at this point. Vince would do all those things anyway if I'm needed to go on the show. Warm arms came around my stomach hugging me close to his chest and stomach, the hold feels like if he lets me go I might disappear for six more months. He leaned down to rest his chin on my shoulder blade slowly giving me a sweet smile that always gives me butterflies and a leap in my heart. The tingly feeling returned only stronger this time, almost making my whole body go numb from the tingly. I wanted to move away seeing as how it's the right thing to do at the moment, but my heart got the better of me staying where I am moving a little closer to him.

His soft whispering in my ear sent goosebumps all over my body, making me move away my head away in laughter. I missed laughing, smiling, glowing. I felt like the last months were a dream. I wished it was dream and I never walked in on Randy that morning. Maybe I wouldn't have went through all that pain and suffering, maybe me and him could have been married right about now.

His whispered "That shirt looks better on you then it does me."

I laughed softly moving away from him this time, his voice sounded sweet and flirty at the same time. His voice is a little more flirty than sweet though, if that makes any sense at all. It reminded me of all the good times we had when we'd go on a date or just talk in his locker room. All the memories seemed to be flooding back now breaking through my wall just like Randy did. That's when my irritation set in, but only a little. I felt it go away a few minutes later replaced by happiness that seemed to cover the room now. Randy hand came softly on my knee letting the tinglyness come back once again spreading through the rest of my body like a wild fire. I leaned closer to him feeling my heart rate speed up quicker and quicker as he leaned down to me, meeting me half way then stopped. We both stopped looking at each other. Something wanted me to pull away and tell him how I want things to go. How I want him to stop and leave me alone. Don't come around me anymore or be near me. Then my heart wanted to kiss him so bad that I could feel his lips on mine even though neither one of moved an inch. It seemed like forever before he finally kissed me softly and then with a snap I turned the kiss passionate wanting to feel the love that we use get when we kissed like this. His arms moved softly under my knees pulling me on his soft knees, making this kiss turn into a fifteen minute make-out session.

Once we pulled back I leaned my head on his forehead letting all the tears fall quickly as they dripped on his shirt. This is turning into a step by step going into the relationship. My heart wanted it, but my brain didn't. I listened to my brain this time getting ready to let him go for good. My heart broken again into a million tiny pieces each more sharp than the next. Even the hole in my chest began to reopen already knowing my intentions that's coming in just a few minutes. Everything that's happened is making this ten times harder now than it was a day ago. I wish I could rewind and go back to stop this from every happening, but I don't want to rewind everything that's happened. I just want to stay like this forever and never move for anything except to eat or shower, go to the bathroom. I whispered hoping he won't be able to hear me, my heart hoped more than my mind did that he won't be able to hear me.

I whispered "This can't happen."

My voice sounded so sad and hurt that I didn't even move my eyes that looked down at his shoulder seeing his tattoo that go across his shoulders. Dang I feel like I haven't seen him in forever, I missed this one guy so much that this is too much to bear. I think he knows as he moved back leaning his back against the sofa staring at me now waiting for me to say something that will change my mind. I can't even though I want to, I just can't. The pain I went through and the pain I'm going through now is way too much for anyone. Somehow I think he knows it too, deep down inside him he does. His stare deepened at me, he's searching for the love that I had and still have for him. It's there and I know he can see it, I can feel it in my heart.

He said "Take some time alone and think about if you want this. If you don't I understand, but baby. I do love you. No matter what I love you and I always will."

His soft hands came under my knee putting me back on the sofa, but still grabbing my hand keeping the tinglyness going through us. I want to stop him so much, but this needs time to sink in and think about what's happening between us and what's going to happen for the future between us. Us seemed to make me forget that I told him I can't right now. I felt my heart re-breaking in the process as the door grew closer and closer to us. My hand almost pulled him back to me, but then I noticed he wore the same pants and shoes he wore last night. Maybe he wants his shirt back?

He stopped at the door bringing me closer to him letting me stand near him, this time he wanted me to kiss him. I smiled leaning up slowly kissing him feeling his lips on mine felt so nice and warm that I put my arms around his neck bring him a little closer to me. This is what I want for us to be, only have eyes for us. I got the feeling he still got the desk clerk's number and slipped it in his back left jean pocket. I always found numbers in his back pocket before I did laundry. My voice rang out in a soft and sweet voice hoping he would get the picture that I will think about it.

I said "I love you to."

He said "I love you to baby call me before you leave for the meeting."

I nodded at him telling him I would, trying so hard to hold back the tears that seemed to want to slip out right now in front of him. His hand removed from mine letting go of all the tinglyness that followed each time we touched, that feeling is what tells me that we're meant to be together. Tell that to my heart. He walked out and away from me slowly closing the door behind him. I fell to the floor letting all the pain out that wanted to be let go. What should I do? That's what I asked myself over and over as I just sat here crying.

Reviews please. Sorry if its not really good my minds not here family drama. Thanks for the reviews to.


	6. Together

Chapter 6

An hour had passed and I can't seem to get up from where I was earlier still feeling the kiss he gave me on my lips as did the feeling of his touch on my hand that seemed to linger around trying to let my heart win, but my mind came stronger telling me to not go into this again. Six months away isn't really long enough if you sit down and think about it, I felt everything that happened this morning come rushing back to me making me miss him even more than I already do now. If I take this chance, I can end up more hurt than I am now. That thought stayed in my mind wanting to be established and talked about with Randy. How can someone be happy when the guy cheats? The question seemed to be left in the air waiting on Randy to see and give me an answer. Honest answer.

Tears covered my face making wet lines down both my cheeks along with making my eyes more blood shot than they already are now. My heart wants to find peace and stop all this hurt. UGH! I could feel the angry that disappeared early come back even stronger this time wanting to hit something. Maybe if I do hit something all the pain will go will forever. I wish it was that simple, but it's not for me anyway. I felt the angry ease away followed by hurt and pain. Is this really what my life has become? My heart feels like it wants to hate him so much, but the love I have for him is so much stronger that I can't even really explain to him. This love is for one person only and can never really be replaced or be as happy as with Randy than anyone else.

My mind decided that it's time for me to get up and get ready to go downstairs and do just a little shopping by myself. The shopping by myself seemed a little exciting to me not talking to anyone really. Now days talking seemed so exhausting at times for me, just nodding seemed the right thing to do. Even though it made me feel like I was being rude when I went out was talking to people in lines and things. Very rare when I did go out of my place, being out in public with tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes seemed not like a good idea.

My legs moved slowly moving through my messy bedroom and into my bathroom flipping on the cold light switch as the light came on. The bathroom seemed more amazing than the rest of the hotel except the lobby. The feeling in the warm seemed warm and nice instead of cold like the rest of the room. Maybe it's the sun shining in the window giving a nice love feeling in the air. The adrenaline started moving through wanting to see Randy even more now than the last time I got ready for my flight and to see Randy. My moves seemed be like one of those movies that went by fast as they played those songs. This felt like one of those times in the movies, except of course the adrenaline in my system. I wonder if the actors and actresses get the same adrenaline rush. The thought seemed useless to think about at the moment as I jumped in the shower turning on the hot and cold water.

The shower felt nice as I slipped on my black jeans and my black top with a nice white one under. I walked out of the bathroom brushing my hair slowly trying to keep my excitement from being displaced on my face along with a glow that use to be here. My legs walked me over this nice white cloth chair with a mini stain at the bottom right front of the chair arm. The stain was a dimmed out pink colored stain that looked like it came from some kind of fruit drink. My bag had already been unzipped leaving a small crack letting me notice a picture that had been placed downward showing me the white plane white back. I slowly picked up the picture turning it over to its front to see that it's a nice picture of me and Randy. We were at his house, when he was having a nice party the day I moved in. This picture being here tells he trying to tell me we should get back together, but still I don't know right now. I put the picture back down in my and I grabbed out some nice high heels that came up to my ankle completing my whole feet except for two of my toes. This picture right here gives me enough reason to stop and ask Randy why he's even trying. Why does he want us back together? Does he even care if we are or not? What's the use in trying to be together? Cheatings in his blood, it's what he does. My mind screamed that thought only my heart didn't believe it at all. Even though I tried to make my heart believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Some reason I can't face to that fact or the one that I'm in love with a cheater. The last thought made me cringe just a little to myself. I felt my heart ache more than any other time at this moment.

I moved away from the chair quickly trying to get out of my room and find Randy. I had a pretty good idea where he is right about now though, the gym. It amazed how he can work out for about two or three hours and not be exhausted. When he did come back from the gym, he looked upbeat and so much adrenaline he could win a race. That was a good memory because when he came in the bedroom door and leaned on the doorframe still sweating across his forehead, cheeks, neck, and his arms along with a v that was on his plain gray shirt. I remember that the most because after a few minutes we were racing around the room trying to get me all sweaty like him. I hate sweat personally; it makes me feel weird and gross at the same time. I also hate grape soda. EWW! The grapes at the store in the fruit are good though. They feel weird if you pill the skin off the grape.

I reached the door stopping for just a minute thinking about if I should go and see him. What if he really is busy working out and I disturb him? I do need to go shopping, but it can wait. I made up my mind wanting to go see Randy see if he tells me the truth or not. My heart told that it doesn't really matter if he tells me the truth or not. I shook my head softly turning the cold door knob and leaving my room wanting to turn around and lay in bed all day, but on the other hand I want to go see Randy way more. My heart's already skipping beats just thinking about him, seeing him. Is this normal? This is true love for me. I guess all the pain and suffering come along with love making it a nice and sad package. My eyes fell down at clothes trying to straighten them up before I got downstairs knowing that as soon as I get off the elevator I'm going to be looking for Randy instead of worrying about my clothes. I didn't really notice anyone coming down the hall because I blocked out everything trying to concentrate on my clothes making myself look almost presentable, when I felt something like a brick wall hit making me fall down butt first feeling a small pain start on my right thigh even though everything felt like it happened in slow motion. I think I felt my heart stop for that one brief moment that I was falling. My thoughts stopped to making me focus on the fall and try to hit somewhere that won't hurt as bad or break. Good luck on that thought, I made myself laugh at that one trying to dodge the pain in my thigh, and maybe it'll go away. In the mists of the fall I forgot to see who made me fall, I started looking up to see to who it was.

John.

His leaned down looking concerned with his blues eyes. I felt myself looking in the sky almost minus the clouds. I never really get that when I look in Randy's eyes. Should I see that? The question placed itself in my filing cabinet for later when I can't sleep. I heard his soft smooth voice ring out in concern trying to get my attention by waving his hand in front of my face quickly.

He asked "I'm sorry Miss. Are you ok?"

I looked at him for moment before giving him answer that seemed perfect right now.

I said "I'm fine."

My voice sounded normal and kind just the way it should be. I thought it might sound sad and lonely, that's something I don't think I need to let him hear from me right now. Then I remember my bloodshot eyes that seemed more than anyone had ever cried, trust me on this. I felt the embarrassment come into play right now along with shame as I slowly turned my head down to look to look at the green carpet that seemed like it was grass, maybe you can tell from a far. I might have to look at that when I come back through, I pulled that thought away for safe keeping. His voice rang out yet again with a nice smile allowing his cute dimples to be displaced in front of me, No wonder everyone loves this guy.

He asked "What's your name?"

I still didn't look at him; maybe if I just say it quickly maybe I can get out here before he even notices my eyes. I hoping so much that I'm afraid all my hope might disappear as I braced myself.

I said "Jennifer."

My voice was fast and smooth, but not too fast for him to hear as I moved forward making my legs move even though they didn't want to at the moment because of the pain in my thigh is still hurting. The pain isn't really bad though, it hurts a little when I walk. John's hand came on my wrist softly giving me a warm feeling that is so nice I don't want him to let go of my wrist. That's a real feeling that's needs thinking about. That thought has to wait until later because of Randy. I forgot all about him for a while. It seemed a little nice not to have my mind on Randy for a while even though my heart misses him like crazy. His voice broke my thought about Randy ringing in a light soft careful voice.

He asked "Are you sure you're ok?"

I nodded finally looking up at him for a brief moment then feeling his hand release my wrist as I moved quickly on to the elevator giving more hope than I did a few minutes ago that he wouldn't follow me down to the elevator. My right eye moved to the corner to see he turned and moved forward going to his or someone's room. Relief flooded over me quickly and smoothly with a nice deep breath let out of me. Relaxation came over me to, but just for a brief moment before the adrenaline to see Randy came flooding back over me in an instant.

I made it to the finally pushing the button for the down floor. My life seemed to be moving way to fast as I got on the elevator it seemed just a few moments before the bell rang for me to get off for the next people who need to get on. I walked quicker going start to the gym, my heart is already racing and I haven't even seen him yet. I wonder if this will last forever or will I meet someone else that can make me feel this way. A little part of me wants someone else to do the same thing as Randy and then the big half of my part already decided that it's sticking with Randy without even my approval.

The door to the gym was already open letting me look inside and see tons of women and men working out and talking at the same time. This place made feel uncomfortable plus really out of place since I'm not in the best shape of my life right now. I don't really feel like getting into shape at the moment either. It's a lose/lose situation really. I passed people left and right on treadmills and other things in the gym. I looked forward ahead trying to spot Randy; I finally made my way half way down the gym to see he was with Dave bench press as Dave spotted him. Dave's face came slowly showing his curious brown eyes that looked like a nice brown chocolate color. It made me want a chocolate bar right about now, the thought was let go though. Randy put the bag thing or whatever you call them back on the bench hooks and rose up smiling at me sweetly before getting up slowly dripping with sweet even though he's been here for an hour. I guess everyone has their own sweat time that starts. EW, Randy serious needs a shower and fast. I wanted to run away and wait for him to take a nice shower and clean up before I saw him again. I laughed softly letting Randy take my hand in his and go back out through the front looking down at the floor as we passed knowing people in here are watching us move like a hawk ready for some food. I felt like it though from the way they were watching me, I didn't even notice how Randy pulled me away quickly from Dave either what's up with that I wonder. I'll ask him later, but for right now I'm going to tell him about my decision. I hope this is the right one.

We finally made it out of the gym and out into the lobby where very mean people were at right about now, must be a slow day. I would hate to have a really slow day because then the time would go by slower and slower. I wanted this time to go slow with him, that's not gonna happen anyway. I moved my eyes to look up at him slowly seeing that handsome face that seemed to already giving me too many butterflies. His eyes showed he wanted to hear the decision hoping it's the right one. I couldn't really prolong the moment any longer speaking in a soft excited whisper to him.

I whispered "We can get back to together."

Reviews are great thanks. Keep them coming please thanks.


	7. A New Kiss

Chapter 7

His eyes showed a nice blue shine to them with a huge sparkle that I've never seen in his eyes before ever. A nice warm feeling came over me when I saw that as a click in my brain telling me that he's finally happy. I felt happy now to feel all the pain disappeared and the hole in my chest has to. The hole's been filled up with peace and love that I have been missing for six months. A small problem stayed in my gut telling me to be careful with him, but my heart doesn't really feel like listening right now as does my brain. I put some hope in my heart that he's changed over the course of six months. His lips on mine made me come back to this reality in a hurry, his lips gave me a tingly feeling that no one on this earth can ever make happen ever again. The kiss is filled with so much love and passion like last night was that seemed too built on the six months we were apart. The same moment guilt came over me slightly to remind me of earlier when john held my wrist in his soft hand. The guilt wanted to be told to Randy, but I felt safer keeping it to me. Right now we don't need any problems that come up for us, maybe this time we can work them out. I don't think I want to try right now; a small scared place came in my chest at that thought. The secret came stronger though making me think that I can use it against him when we get into a fight. That's the evil part of my mind working now; it's still a good idea. It can be revenge for all the times he threw stuff up in my face.

_The thought reminded me when we did get into a big fight about a year ago over him coming home at 3 am (which turned into him throwing Dave and me having lunch two weeks earlier) and not expecting me to be up pacing the floor in the living room in front of our black leather sofa that sat in front of our big screen TV that he would watch almost the time. The room was dark just like the rest of the house was at this time of night as he expecting me in bed by now. The front door closed slowly making the click noise letting me know his next movement would be in the living room to drop off his keys and cell phone in this cup bowl we have for those things. I stopped pacing the floor putting my hands over my chest and waited for him to come in where he could see me. I felt my heart racing so much that I couldn't breathe, maybe if I did pass out that night I would get his attention. That thought didn't seem to make me feel any better. The light came on in the living room as he dropped his keys and cell phone in the bowl before looking at me. His eyes showed tiredness as did the rest of his body, when he came over to the sofa and plopped down quickly closing his blue eyes trying to catch a nap. I felt like I never existed to him, like he just wanted me to exist when he needed me to. I braced myself for my words that were going to come out. _

_I asked "Where you been?"_

_My voice sounded mad and normal at the same time, with a nice cool feel around the room for a moment. His eyes didn't even open when he spoke softly in a slow and tired voice. _

_He said "Meeting with Hunter."_

_I knew it was lie as I waited for a moment trying to collect myself and talk to him in a sensible manner instead of insane and yelling. If I did talk to him in a sensible manner then I could probably get him to stop this. My voice rang out soft this time in a loving and caring way, but still firm. _

_I said "I called Dave and he said you guys didn't meeting tonight, the only meeting you guys will be having is tomorrow at lunch."_

_His eyes came open slowly as he rose up off the couch and come over to me slowly. He wore a nice black suite with the tie missing; I noticed there was a light shade of pink lipstick just on the tip of the right side of his white dress shirt. I just kept my eyes on it for moments not even realizing his was speaking to me until he came closer to me quickly scared I might back away from him. I didn't wanting to feel his arms around me so much and his lips on mine. His voice rang out in a small and sweet voice. _

_He said "There wasn't any meeting and I'm sorry."_

_I asked "Why?"_

_He gave me an answer that he always seemed to have on hand in his mind. His voice always sounded sweet and kind when he said this because the fight might end if he does, it always does. Except this time, this time it's going to be different. I'm going to drag the question out of him; I don't care if this time we have to fight all night._

_He said "It doesn't mean anything."_

_I asked "But why do you do it?" _

_He took a heavy deep breath backing away from me now slowly moving over to the TV and standing looking down at the white carpet while he rubbed his soft chin trying to find some lie to tell me. I could tell he was by the way he always does that before he tells me some stupid lie. His voice came angry echoing off the living room walls. _

_He said "I don't know in all honesty, but it just doesn't change the way I feel about you!"_

_I asked "How do you feel about me!"_

_Our voices collide together like enemies war each wanting to win, but in this battle I was sure that I was going to win. I felt tears start to come down my cheeks slowly to ensure I had stains on my cheeks long after I had stopped crying. It didn't really matter if I wiped my cheeks the tears still didn't stop. I moved my eyes down feeling the tension in the room begin to get bigger as Randy stopped rubbing his chin and moved closer to me. He stopped about an half inch away from me looking straight at me now with so much fury in his eyes that if I was a mirror, he'd break me into a billion pieces all over the place. _

_His voice rang in angry and frustration over the question that I had asked him. It's a true question that needed a straight and true answer that came from his heart. Only it that seemed like a very long shot that I was taking and a pay off would be a miracle. _

_He said "I love you ok!"_

_I saw he was telling the truth by that glow around him when he said it, my heart seemed to be skipping more beats than earlier. Before I could tell him I loved him to, he spoke even angrier than a few minutes ago. His face showed the angry though letting the redness come in his face as my legs moved back a little more scared of what he might do. _

_He asked "WHAT ABOUT YOU AND DAVE?"_

_I couldn't look at him fully looking down at the floor instead before answering his question knowing he was growing impatient as time passed. It was nothing, but a friend's lunch. Somehow I felt like he wouldn't believe me, I had to give it shot anyway. I spoke softly this time in a whisper almost. _

_I said "Babe it was a friendly lunch that's all I promise."_

_He shook his head at me giving me a low chuckle that seemed to float around the room like a smoke bomb. _

_He said "MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU WON'T ASK ME THE SAME QUESTION WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER!"_

_I said "I wouldn't have to if you didn't come home at all hours of the night and expect me to just forget it. You want me to act like nothing's wrong, when we've got so many problems that there pushing down through the middle of us. We don't even spend any real time together anymore!"_

_He asked "WHAT ABOUT LUNCH HUH?"_

_I let all my angry out this time matching his equal, all the sweetness and love I tried showing him disappeared the instant we shifted the argument to this. I could feel the angry move quickly down to my fists making them into a ball so tight that my knuckles were white. I spoke out so rude and mean that even I got a cold chill in my spine._

_I said "OH WOW A FEW MINUTES WITH YOU AND THEN IT'S OFF TO BED LIKE NORMAL EXCEPT YOU WERE NEVER THERE WHEN I CRAWLED IN BED ALWAYS HUNTER. YOU LEAN ON HIM LIKE CRUCH EVEN THOUGH I BEEN THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED ME FOR SUPPORT OR ANYTHING YOU EVER NEEDED. ONE DAY IM GONNA LEAVE YOU I PROMISE YOU THAT!"_

_His voice was even meaner than mine making a cold chill come all over the house and me as he smirked when he talked._

_He said "GO AHEAD BABY THERES THE DOOR, I KNOW YOU CAN'T LAST WITHOUT ME."_

_I looked away sitting down on the couch putting my head in my hands and letting the tears just fall down my cheeks feeling tired and not wanting to fight anymore even though I already knew he won just as he did. As for him, he just picked up his keys and left leaving his phone here as I moved back to lay down on the couch the rest of the night and part of the day. He didn't come back for two weeks._

Randy calling my name made me come back to this reality and look at him slowly. I can still feel the cold chill that was in the house that night when he touched me now. His eyes showed concern for me when I didn't answer to him. That was the first time I ever saw concern in his eyes for me. Happiness and sacredness came into me going half in half in my heart slowly as I tried not to show them to him. What would it make him do? How would he react to that? Sad I bet.

I asked "What?"

My voice was hoarse as I talked to him slowly, placing my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me. His breath is on my lips now as he smirked at me slowly with a nice wink to go with it. The love circled around us as my heart skipped beats as he leaned the rest of the way to make our lips meet together in a nice sweet kiss that made my whole body tingly. The kiss seemed to last forever, but it was only a few minutes. He spoke in a sweet whisper making me smile.

He asked "How about I finished up here and meet you in your hotel at 12:30, we can have lunch and you can go to my autograph appearance with me baby?"

I nodded slowly kissing him quickly as he smiled at me before he turned around slowly and walked back in out of my sight. I felt my heart beginning to ache already and he hasn't been gone a minute. I shook my head slowly still missing him even though I tried to make myself not. Well shopping time I guess only when I went walk forward out the entrance where tons of people seemed to be coming in and out every second at this time of day. A voice rang out in a nice yell calling my name. The voice was smooth and manlier than Randy's voice is.

Dave.

I had the feeling it was him, but put the feeling away slowly smiling at him sweetly as he came over to me. His smile seemed just like it use to be when I saw him at the arenas, when he came by the house, or when he was in the gym with Randy. I hadn't realized how much I missed him (like a friend, even though he is cute.) with all the lunches we had. I forgot all about them when me and Randy broke up, even thing to be forgotten to me until I came back around the people that seemed like a nice family.

He came over quickly pulling me in a hug the instant he was close to me letting me smell his nice axe cologne that was different to Randy's. Dave cologne isn't as strong as Randy's is. His hug is tight and nice something that seemed I looked for to everyday now. When we finally pulled back from the hug, I noticed a hint of likeness as more than just a friend. I don't think I noticed it until now and to be honest I don't how to feel about that. I wonder if Randy knows, if he don't then I'm not saying anything. If Randy knows then he leave and head start for Dave to get into with him leaving Hunter pissed at Dave and me for not keeping my mouth closed. My way sounds better trust me. Usually Hunter said keeping your mouth shut. That way sounded meaner and ruder than anyone else could make it sound, I think he practiced every mean thing he said before he told them to people.

Dave voice came out in a soft nice voice bringing me back to him instead of thinking about the likeness he accidently gave off to me.

He asked "How you been?"

I said "Working how about you?"

He said "The same. I missed you these few months, Randy told me what happened."

I looked down ashamed to look him in the eye. Does the entire company know what happened between me and Randy? I can't ask anyone really except Randy, only I'm scared that will start in a fight. I guess the best choice is to keep it to myself for the moment. Movement made me look back up at Dave to see he was closer to me now almost closing the space that was between us making me more and more nervous. Then before I could even back away Dave's lips came on mine with a sweet passionate kiss.

Review please thanks. Sorry it's short and thanks so much for the reviews it helps let me know how yall feel about the story. Love yall.


	8. Memory

Chapter 8

The kissed seemed to just grip me making me kiss him back even though my brain is telling my lips to keep kissing him. My heart screamed so loud at me to stop that I did pull back from him with wide eyes waiting for his reaction. I felt nervous now and scared for his reaction, I don't want him to be hurt. If he's hurt then I'm going to be hurt as well because Dave doesn't deserve this. I feel like it's my fault for hanging out with him sometimes when Randy wasn't around. Maybe I should have said no and then that would have hurt his feelings to, but at least this wouldn't have happened. But then maybe it would have. I realized I'm babbling now as I stopped myself focusing on him finally seeing his reaction.

Hurt surfaced in his brown chocolate eyes that made the hurt come even stronger in my heart as I stood a little closer scared to lean in and give him a hug. I felt like if I did things might turn into another kiss and I certainly don't need that right now with things going good with Randy so far. The thought seemed to linger on far like something is gonna change soon. I put hope in the good praying to myself that things would go well this time with him. I need things to go well because if we break up again I don't think I can make it anymore without him. Six months for me seemed like an eternity without him. Honestly I don't know how I really made it those months. Dave's voice rang out in a soft whisper bringing me back to him and away from Randy for the moment.

He whispered "I'm sorry."

He stepped a little closer to me now making sure there was only enough space to stick a toothpick through. I didn't move though I'm still standing the exact way I was when he kissed me, I'm scared that if I move that he might pull me back to explain his self, right now I don't need to hear that. I can't stand here either; I felt my head begin to spin while he whispered softly to me still keeping the distance between the same.

He whispered "I didn't mean to kiss you right off, Look can we talk somewhere private?"

I waited thinking about whether or not I should say yes or no. Yes would be probably give him a moment of happiness instead of sadness, but then my time to get ready for randy is cut short and then he might catch us. If I should no then he would be even more crushed and I'd probably meet him somewhere else later after the show instead of the meeting to be safe that no one saw us that could be something used against me as well if me and Randy get into a fight. I felt a sigh heavy sigh coming as I nodded my head yes.

His smile came instantly showing all the sadness gone to be replaced by happiness and excitement for being with me for a short period of time. The look and thought made my heart slightly ache for not trying telling him no and letting him get over me his own way. But then I would feel worser than I did a few minutes ago. Either way I go it's going to be bad news I realized. I need to straighten this whole thing out with him right now and stop delaying as I walked forward a little showing him where my room is. A new feeling cheating came over me even though I know we're just going to talk and nothing else. I made myself promise that and kept it locked in my brain as well.

Dave's pace made me look beside me on my left to see he was there still smiling looking more and more excited as the minutes went by that we walked through the jungle lobby and to the stainless still elevators that looked different inside. The corner was filled with people standing around waiting on an elevator to get on, so they could go to their rooms. There are about 10 elderly couples and two young couples each looked so in love and happy that it made me want Randy to be here.

Dave's soft warm hand came around mine giving me a gentle squeeze telling me that he doesn't want to lose me. That's something I haven't heard from a man in a long time. Since I started seeing Randy before we broke up or now I haven't heard that from him, the feeling of neglect came rousing in my stomach and my gut telling me he never really cared then and he's starting to care a little almost ten percent. That's a decent amount for him though; usually he doesn't get past five percent.

I realized that I haven't even looked at Dave once since we left the lobby and somehow I felt scared to that if do, we might kiss again. That feeling stayed with me giving off a yes answer that soon we will kiss, I don't want though. That sounded rude, but it's so true. The ding for the elevator made everyone look up slowly to see an arrow that signaled up as me, Dave, and an elderly couple came on slowly smiling soft and sweet at us. I did back still holding Dave's hand so not to be rude or anything, but lord knows how much I want to let go. This isn't me; I don't sleep around or anything like that. I'm a one person girl, not someone who has a regular boyfriend and then a lover on the side. Do I look like one? The question seemed to rest waiting for an answer that I could ask both men and then compare once I got to my room and settled this whole thing with Dave. My hoping seemed to be useless seeing as how Dave's ready for this, I had a strange feeling he had been waiting for this moment for months looking for me every day at the shows or at the office. I bet he even tried to get my number from the office; Vince is the only one who has my number. Maybe if the office did have my number and gave it to Dave, then we could be together right now in love. The love part seemed so sweet, that now I want him to tell me he loves to see how nice it would sound coming from home.

The ding from the elevator for our floor made me look straight ahead seeing his back now as he moved through the people standing in front and out to the hall stopping to check on me slowly. His brown eyes seemed to glow now like I've never seen them before since I've known him. The look made me glow inside letting all the love and happiness he has transfer to me, it wasn't enough to make me crush on him though. He's a great friend to me and nothing else so that's what I need to tell him.

I felt the dizziness come back along with a headache that seemed to be teaming up to make sure my judgment is so clouded that he can kiss me and I can't pull back from this time. Maybe I should just stop talking and walk forward keeping my thoughts at a distance until we get to talking in my room. His soft voice came ringing out feeling the air with warm and sweet feeling to it.

He asked "Can I have your room key please?"

I said "Yes."

I handed my key to him with my free hand, noticing that all the time we have walked I still had my hand in his afraid to let go, I felt like if I did things might go out of control in the hall or that if Randy is getting off the elevator right now and he might see us. Dave didn't care though I already knew he didn't, but did he know that I care? Randy's my boyfriend, this is going to look very bad if he sees this. My heart started too bound scared that he might see or he could walk in and see us talking still getting the wrong impression. Thank goodness I gave him my room key ahead of time so he can just open the door and let me in since he's ahead of me.

We finally came to my door within ten minutes of walking to the elevator; we could have been here earlier except I'm a slow walker. Dave didn't seem to mind, he didn't seem to mind anything right now. He was too happy to mind anything which made me smile at him and almost let out a laugh. I heard the hotel room door click and he opened it slowly letting by pass him as he let go of my mind. When I came by him his eyes shined so bright looking down at me that I felt sadness come in my heart for what I was about to tell him. I went to the white couch and sat down as I patted the sit next to me bracing myself for what might come out of this.

His movements were slow still smiling so sweet and big that nothing in this world can take it away from him. That kiss did it when I kissed him back. Dang it! If I never would have kissed him then this wouldn't have happened. His voice came softly starting to speak to me first instead of letting me talk to him first.

He said "I kissed you because I love you; I'm so love with you that I use to walk back and forth when I didn't see you at the shows. I even tried to get Vince to give me your number, but he wouldn't give to me. I drove myself crazy worrying about you, if you're were ok."

I couldn't look away or shake the crush feeling that started to surface in me now for him. It's a small feeling that seemed to be getting bigger for him each minute that went by. I hadn't planned for this, I have been planning for him to just tell me that he likes me more than a friend. Not that he's in love with me, even though I can't tell him that I do him back. I spoke softly to him trying to collect myself in the process.

I said "I'm sorry if I did anything to lead you on, but Dave I don't feel the same about you. Thank you for worrying about me though it means a lot and anyone who has you as their boyfriend or husband one of the luckiest girl in the entire world."

When I finished and looked in his brown eyes seeing all the glow in them disappear into hurt and sadness. I felt my guilt come raising up so big that it made my heart ache just like it did when I broke up with Randy. How can I get myself into these positions? Dave's movement made me come and see him lean forward at me taking my cheek in his right hand and kiss me so soft that I had to kiss back on accident. A few second later I pulled back immediately wiping my lips off feeling the kiss on them still. He didn't look at me for a few minutes still reeling from what I said and the way I pulled back. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings or let things go this far. I felt like whatever I say right now isn't going to make any difference as he began to talk in his normal voice now.

He said "Call me later and we can talk more if you want."

I said "Dave wait just lis-."

He put his finger to my lip shaking his head no for me not to talk as he rose up softly off the couch not giving me a second look going over to the door slowly stopping with his hand on the knob rethinking that he should come back over, but changed his mind a second later opening the door and slipping out leaving me by myself and thinking if I should talk to him later or not. The bigger question is if should tell Randy or not. My mind seemed to go back to the fight that I was thinking about earlier remembering how much agony I was those two weeks.

_The day he came back was rainy and stormy with a very cold chill in the air that evening as I heard his car pull up in the driveway. I was sitting on the couch reading New Moon in my pajamas surround by tissues and empty tissue boxes on the couch and in the floor. My instincts kicked in as I went running to the door opening it quickly allowing the cold wind in the warm house as I waited for him with open arms. He appeared in a pair of jogging pants with a gold's gym t-shirt that was gray, he also wore a huge gray gold's gym would swallow me whole if I was to put that on. I shifted my mind back to the outside watching the right side corner of the house waiting for him come around to me. A few minutes later, when he did come around the corner and meet at the doorstep his face was sweet and happy to see me as he took me gentle in his arms. He lifted me slowly in his arms and brought me in the house setting his bag against the entrance wall and letting me down as well. His left arm never left my waist as he started walking slowly over to the couch. I missed him so much that for the moment I didn't feel like fighting with him as I just wanted to kiss him forever right now. _

_He moved all the tissues that I had blown from my pink nose over to the right side of the couch quickly before pulling me onto his lap, I moved closer to him instead of looking into his eyes s my tears started coming down both sides of my cheeks making stains that seemed to stay there for the longest time. I laid my head softly on his shoulder letting all the tears I felt from the last two week come out softly as he wrapped me in his arms and held for what seemed forever, but it was only an hour. _

_His movement made me rise back up and come to eye level with him scared to see his reaction that might make me not even consider to fight with him even though I knew we were going to, but his blue eyes showed so much sadness and regret that I felt my heart already bow down in defeat. My brain wasn't though making me start the fight out nice and slow trying to remain calmer than the way I was before he left two weeks ago. All the pain and agony I felt those two weeks came pouring into my voice as I spoke softly. _

_I said "You didn't have to leave."_

_His eyes remained on me still looking for the love that he had left to see if it was still there and it was stronger and stronger for him every minute that went by just like now. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears I loved that man so much and I still can now. His voice rang out in a heavy sigh trying to find the right words that would smooth things over and we wouldn't fight. I could tell he was tried again by the way he wanted to just go lay down. _

_He said "I thought we just need time apart to cool off."_

_When he said that I could feel my blood begin to come on a high boil making my fists almost curve into ball showing a sheet white look that would almost pass as ghost hands I think. I remember letting all the madness into that one speech that seemed to make him even madder. _

_I said "We spend enough time apart don't you think with my job at the office and your traveling, then I traveled with you to see if we could spend more time that way, well that didn't work because you do what you always do best sneak out, sleep with someone, then come back. It's like a never ending cycle with you, I love you babe. I just don't want this to really end of one day."_

_He said "Well maybe we don't spend enough alone time together."_

_I moved off him now scared I might slap him; maybe I should slap him to get some sense into his head. That thought almost made me laugh though because my grandmother said once a cheater always a cheater. I came back to my reality moving five feet away from him to look start into his eyes that were now pissed off at me. I spoke madder than I did a few minutes ago pointing my right finger at him. _

_I said "YOU ARENT AROUND TO SPEND ANYTIME WITH UNLESS YOU'RE WATCHING THE GAME OR OUT RANDY! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE SOME RESPONIABLITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS! THE PROBLEMS ARE HERE AND THERE NOT GOING AWAY, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS AND SEE WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO FIGURE US OUT."_

_He moved off the couch now standing quickly and walking over to me slowly trying to calm himself down as well as I was right then. He couldn't hide the redness from coming in his face slowly as did his veins in his neck. His voice was so much louder than mine that I swore the house shook that day. _

_He said "YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT, YOU DON'T THINK I DON'T SIT DOWN AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW IN THE HELL WE GOT HERE. YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT; IT'S MY FAULT WE'RE HERE. I TAKE SO MUCH RESPONBILITY FOR US. WHAT ELSE BABY HUH! I LOVE YOU AND I NEVER FELT THAT BEFORE. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?"_

_I let all the tears out that I had been secretly holding back so maybe they wouldn't fall, but they did anyway making Randy come forward to me and wipe my cheeks softly along with a nice sweet passionate kiss. I remember that kiss so well because that night we made the most passionate love that we had ever had, the love was all around the house to making it glow like the sun. _

The door to my hotel room came open slowly making me jump out of my memory and back to this reality letting me get up gentle to see who it was. My heart prayed it was Randy, but my mind prayed it was Dave. When Randy came in my heart jumped for joy as my mind felt the let down.

He came in with a nice bag of lunch that smelled like chicken and cole slaw as he dropped the bags on the table and started getting plates out of the cabinet. I let a small smile come on my face bracing myself for this afternoon and spending the first real talking time with him that didn't involve me or him leaving for a while.

Sorry its past due and if it's not good, I been so busy trying to find a job and stuff I haven't had time to update or anything. I hope u like it please keep reviewing I love the reviews. Thank u.


	9. UH OH!

Chapter 9

I remembered when watching him that he didn't really tell me until the morning that he spent the two weeks with his parents instead hanging close by me in case I need him for anything or I called him first to apologize like I use to because I hated fighting with him so much. When he told I didn't really feel like dragging it on and for that little while we're were happy, but soon Randy's old way came catching back up with him. I knew it would, it was only a matter of time before things did. I felt the pain come in my heart again along with all the pain that surfaced around me as the pain that came in my chest. I could feel my heart stop for a brief moment to try and stop the pain, but that didn't work. Memory lane seemed course through my mind now when I first caught Randy cheating on me a couple of months later.

_It was cold in Knoxville the morning I got up to go shopping to get some breakfast items at the store., but that didn't stop anyone from doing their daily duties like me that had to brave the cold weather while others slept in going in late to try and let the weather calm down a bit before going out even though the winter's are always the same, but colder at night. It made me thank god for a good man to stay with at night. _

_I woke up slowly opening my eyes to see the dark clouds indicated it was going to storm that day as I rubbed my eyes gentle before looking up at randy to see he was still sleeping softly with his body turned to my back as his hot breath came on my neck every few minutes making goosebumps appear quickly on my whole body that made shiver to myself. I stared at him for a minute wondering what I would do if he did leave me, gosh I'd go crazy without him here with me. The thought made me really see how much I needed him there with me at the time. He moved a little going back to sleep, but I rose up kissing his lips softly. I waited slowly for his eyes to open hearing my heart pounding so loudly in my ears that I don't know how Randy didn't hear it as did the rest of the neighborhood. I wished in a way that Randy could hear my heart, if he did then that might make a difference. I felt my brain tell me no in a fast and mean way giving me a slight step back for a moment then returned to watch Randy as his eyes came open slowly looking down at me soft and sweet making my smile come a little bigger as did his. His voice came out in a soft whisper that made my heart pound even harder than it was a few minutes ago. _

_He whispered "Morning baby."_

_I waited a few minutes to calm myself from the excitement that bubbled inside me along with that I was scared I might have a breathing attack for not feeling him crawl into bed late; usually he'd stay until 3 or 4 in the morning and sleep in until around twelve. It seemed like a routine that he continued every day. If he took a break then he would continue on to the next to thing he had on list not even asking if he wanted to do something different with me. I felt useless to him now and less like a couple more like roommates, each of us doing our own things during the day instead of going to see a movie, shopping, etc. I remembered I never really answered his question as I came to his question. _

_I said "Morning hun."_

_He leaned down slowly making sure I could feel his hot breath on my lips as well as my nose smelling his hot breath. My voice was soft and morningly with a little hoarse on the side. I moved my hand up gentle allowing my hand to stroke his much needed shaved cheek that had little hairs only visible up close and personal to him. Only when I looked in his eyes, I saw that he didn't care much for shaving right now and that he'd get to it later. Later meant maybe at bedtime or after dinner if he was gone already, I felt my heart stop in agony for the moment thinking of him leaving made my world break piece by piece only visible to me I guess. Randy never noticed all the pain I went through during his absence or present next to me. The thought made me think of myself as a ghost just watching him speed through life while I stood still waiting for him to awake and not see me by his side. His soft chapped lips met mine soft and nice that I deepened the kiss as his hand clamped on my waist slowly holding me close to him when he pulled me back just enough to whisper softly and sweet to me making the room sparkle now just like the sparkle in his eye that showed excitement and love. _

_He whispered "I love you."_

_I smiled softly allowing a laugh to escape me slowly followed by a hug that seemed so nice and sweet. I hadn't felt that in a long time almost making me cry in front of him instead of the bathroom normally or the couch after he left at night. I'd be a million air if I had a penny each time I had sat down and cried over him. Then I would think it's me and try somehow to make him see me like he use to when we first day we started dating. I felt a movement on my cheek finally letting him know that I loved him._

_I whispered "I love you to."_

_The next kiss went smoothly and quickly as we both got up gentle from the bed to get ready for the day. His movement went out of the room to use the shower in the bathroom two doors down on the right as I walked into the bedroom one slowly getting a bad feeling this morning slowly in my gut that said this isn't the day to leave him alone in the house. I tried shaking the thought quickly grabbing a pair of white jeans and a black twilight shirt that had Edward on it as he said I left to protect you down the left side of my stomach. The bathroom was white on the trim and black in the center pieces of the room, the tile I had matched the walls and ceiling almost except they went like a checkerboard design. The counter tops and the sink were both black marble with a white trim around the front of the cabinet part; the shower was all black with a glass door that showed the entire shower almost except for a little room by the sink. The toilet was pure black with a white tile sitting under it that's the only thing that made your eyes notice immediately when you entered the room. My feet felt the cold tile on them as I walked slowly over to the sink/counter space settling my clothes down on the counter before looking at myself in the mirror seeing the same person I always saw, a dull person waiting on someone who just never see it. Sadness came in my heart quickly trying to cover up the feeling of love that lasted a few minutes ago with Randy. My eyes looked away as they couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror, all the pride and happiness I use to have seemed to float away in just a few months even though I had built the pride since I was fifteen, as for the happiness well I got it instantly until I was seventy when My ex-boyfriend Riley came along that's a different story. _

_I moved away from the mirror slowly walking quickly over to the shower undressing quickly and entering the cold shower turning on the hot water knob. The warm water poured quickly relaxing my muscles and my heart at the same time not letting me rush at all even though I had to get to the store and back in an hour to get things rolling for company that we're having over. It was a small birthday party for me since today was my birthday, I hate birthdays in a way because they signal that you're getting older. An idea popped into my head instantly the only real reason he's trying so hard today is because of my birthday. Usually he just gets up and does his own routine, but today was different. I didn't know whether I wanted to be happy or mad at him at the moment turning off the shower knob as I grabbed a towel and walked slowly over to the sink looking at myself again. There's a year's difference between me and him, he's a year older than me._

_I placed both my hands on the both ends of the sink looking down at the sink seeing just black nothing else in the sink. The relationship door came knocking on my door signal for me to talk to Randy about spending more time together. How? The question seemed to echo through me in need an answer for both me and my heart. Is this relationship really worth saving or is it just something that needs to be let go? The let go made my heart already ban against the idea even though it was the smart answer is everything except the pain and heart ache that came along with leaving him. I can't take even take two weeks away from him how can I expect to make it forever without him. Maybe I just like all the other girls who can't leave the man they love. My mind stopped me from continuing on telling me it was my birthday and that I needed to get dress for my party and the store as I did I glance in the mirror seeing myself all dressed up I looked pretty, but I felt like it wasn't up to Randy measures though. I sighed deeply holding back the tears that almost came down my cheeks. Not today no, nothing is going to ruin my birthday. _

_I move away leaving the bathroom going to the closet to grabbing a nice black pair of high heels that looked pretty nice on my feet if I may say so. My legs moved toward the stairs glancing at the bathroom door that was now open telling me that Randy was downstairs in the kitchen grabbing a cup of coffee and reading the news paper right about now. I didn't even go in the kitchen as I grabbed my coat and walked out going to my jeep almost stopping feeling bad that I didn't give him a bye kiss which I usually gave him before he or me left another. Maybe this will let him see how much things can turn into a hurry as I pushed the alarm on my car and jumped in trying to leave without running after him. My heart was pleading with me to run back in there and give him a kiss, but I think I need to listen to my mind and leave right on to the grocery store and pick up the things I need to make my perfect birthday dinner meal. _

_I pulled out of the drive way quickly running along to the store and got my things I needed. I pulled around the corner of our street seeing a car that I've never seen before in life was pulled in front of our house, the car was a 2002 BMW two door silver convertible with tinted windows so dark that you couldn't even see the inside of the car. I pulled my car into the driveway quickly and grabbing the bags that were in my front seat of my car before I ran in the house. I felt my pulse quickening scared of the thought that Randy has made a surprise party for me with everyone there and not telling me. I felt my gut tell me that wasn't it slowly. I moved my free left hand to the cold knob turning it slowly trying not to be loud as I entered. I heard a giggle from upstairs in the guest room since it was the closet to the staircase. I came in the room slowly sitting my bags by the entrance to the dining room and started heading up the staircase slowly breathing more sacredly. I stepped one at a time looking up at the wall before I reached the top of the staircase and stopped scared to move on, but wanting to move on and be sure this isn't what it seems. I felt like it was as my heart began to break and my tears already surfaced on my cheeks. I started slowly to the room trying to not contrite on anything except getting to that room. _

_I finally arrived to the room seeing the door shoot and more noises came from the door as I opened it slowly seeing Randy and some woman laying next to him as they kissed. Every bone in my body went numb and I couldn't think for that brief moment. His movement made me look at him as he got up and started pulling his blue boxers and blue jeans quickly not caring for a shirt before I ran out of the room and down the stars heading straight for my mom's for a long thinking process. Hours later I returned to the house acting like everything was cool, but that one day just added on to our problems._

Randy grabbing my hand making me slowly look at him and see that he is happy and excited for this dinner as we both sat down and began to eat. Randy ordered me a nice Caesar salad as he had a burger and fries. His voice rang out softly before he began to eat as I had already took started on my salad deciding to skip the autograph signing and talk to Dave to get this straightened out.

He said "Thanks for giving us a second chance and I know how I acted before wasn't what you wanted. I guess I got scared of being in a real relationship with someone like you who's caring, loving, always there for me. I realized that after you left and I was in the house all by myself those six months."

I said "I missed you to babe. My apartment felt cold and empty without you. Oh before I forget, I can't go to the appearance with you Kelly wanted me to go with her to site seeing and catch up with each other."

He smiled and nodded at me before he leaned over giving me a kiss that sent electricity through as well as the tinglyness that always came with every kiss or touch he gave me. I didn't feel that with Dave, somehow I didn't notice if he felt that way with me. I did close my eyes when we kiss, I don't know why I did. I guess every girl does that right, I moved back to eating as our time flew only we didn't talk that much this because time was pressed for Randy's appearance to sign autographs seeing how he got here late. Randy's always late, the thought made me want to laugh. But I didn't because then that would have turned into a long conversation that would make him even later as I watched him eat in a slow, but hurry way that wouldn't make your tummy hurt. I wish I knew how he did that, maybe if we got somewhere late my tummy wouldn't hurt after a meal out with our friends if we got there late. Sometimes we got there to early and we'd have to wait because I was always scared of traffic and other things blocking the road so we couldn't get through. Randy's stood up making me glance up at him quickly before he came over to me and gave me a passionate goodbye kiss that almost turned into a long passionate kiss, before he left slowly. I walked over to the coffee table and picked up my small black purse and grabbed my Samsung messenger two phone out as I dialed Dave's number. My voice rang out soft and gentle telling him to come over, so we could talk. I felt excitement run through me as I waited for Dave to come here, I can't find a way to make him not love me. Is there a way to make him fall out of love with me? My mind screamed no, one no for he can't fall out of love with you and second because this is what I need to find the right person to be with. I don't feel the same electricity with Dave that I felt with Randy. True love is when you can't stand to be with anyone else but that one person that you're meant to be with forever. You can't stand to be with anyone else or be away from them for long periods of time.

A soft knock came on the door making me glance at the door for a moment before I rose up slowly and began walking over scared and excited at the same time to see him. Even though I didn't feel anything for him, I viewed him as a friend. Some reason I felt like I was lying to myself that I viewed him as more than a friend. I shook that thought as I opened the door and saw him leaning on the wall in a nice white suite with a blue striped with white dress shirt on, nice light brown dress shoes and blue sunglasses that made him look even sexier than Randy as I felt my breath stop for a moment. He smiled slowly coming in and taking me in his arms to kiss me softly making me wrap my arms around his neck. The hour we spent together went by so fast that I found me laying my head on his chest and his soft chest rising up and down letting me hear his heart beat as well.

It's been so crazy at my house and my internet has been acting up sorry. THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW S GUYS PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING.


	10. Once A Cheater Always A Cheater

Chapter 10

An hour seemed to go by and we didn't move out of the bed at all for anything in the world as I had moved from his chest to lean on the bed frame like him letting our eyes meet and see how much he had wanted this to happen for us. I felt my mind fell relaxed for the first time in a long time, even my heart felt a little skipping when I looked at Dave, my heart also felt loved like never before with anyone. I like that feeling putting my hand slowly on Dave cheek feeling the warmness on his cheek as he smiled at me sweetly before taking my hand in his and kissing the palm slowly then leaning down to me and letting out lips meet in a soft nice kiss. I got to admit this is nice with Dave just to lay here without moving, talking, interrupts or anything. It felt like the whole world has disappeared and it was only me and him left to live in it. Somehow I feel like I want this though in a way, I like how I can trust him and know he'll be home to have a conversation during TV or go shopping with me, or be with me when it's time to go to bed. It'd be nice to have him there late at night if I got scared to hug up next to him when I'm scared late at night, to feel him close to me. I want that so much, but I can't leave Randy. My heart seemed to agree with that thought letting it sit in my mind to remind me that I can't leave him.

Dave's movement made me look back at him again see him raise up slowly and go straight to the bathroom slowly giving me a smile before he shut the door. I felt my whole body get goosebumps all over it as I moved up as well wrapping the sheet Randy me and picking out a fresh pair of clothes finally feeling the guilt and betrayal coming rising in my heart making me almost cry at the thought that I did finally cheat on Randy after all the times I preached to him to stop cheating I turn around and do the thing that he does. I didn't know whether to be made or angry as I put on a robe that was on the dresser by the bathroom door and dropped the sheet back on the bed starting to making the bed half way good so he'll think I slept in it, I could only pray as I finished his side trying to hold back tears that seemed to be coming anyway as I wiped my cheek before glancing at the clock to see that it was almost time for the meeting that had slipped my mind. I dried it in away because both men were going to be there and something told me that Dave out be looking at me with eyes that are going to be filled with so love and excitement for us that I wouldn't be able to miss him even in a crowded room. Don't get me wrong I love how he has that in his eyes, but I think I just fueled his love even more than it already was about an hour ago when he came to the door. I don't think I would have done anything different though, when we made love everything seemed magically in a way that was more passionate and caring that made it seemed to last forever. I don't know how to explain it, I mean with Randy it was just love that didn't seem to mean anything to him.

The door opening to the bathroom made me look up trying to hide my slight excitement to see him even though it was only in the bathroom for maybe five or ten minutes at the least I guess. My hands finished up the bed quickly before going over to grab my clothes; in all honesty I didn't know whether to move on to the bathroom or kiss before I went to the bathroom. If I don't then I'll hurt his feelings, but if I do then that'll just make it the situation escalade even more. This seemed to be giving me a slight headache. My headache stopped when I felt a pair of arms come around my waist and pull me close to his chest making me put my arms around his neck. This felt so wrong in so many ways, but I'm scared that I do push away he might just try harder or hurt his feeling. My thoughts stopped as his lips came to mine in a peck as we pulled back I finally noticed that he was full dressed with his sunglasses in his jacket pocket. I felt relief come over me suddenly finally letting me know that he was leaving, I realized that Randy could come back anytime now. Autograph appearances don't really last that long, sometimes I wish they would like right now. This afternoon has been so nice and comfortable I don't want to let that go. What if this never happens again? What if I don't feel that same way with Randy? What if my feelings change for Randy? What Randy Randy's out? A million thoughts came through my mind making me feel dizzy and lope as I removed myself from his arms and went to sit gentle on the bed trying to calm myself from my heart beating to rapidly. If Randy finds out, I just know I'll never hear the end of it from him. I could already telling me now how I've always been on his back and that here I am cheating on him with his friend whose in the evolution with him. Every thought that I had came through me seemed to just disappear when Dave came over to move me up off the bed gently before bringing me back down to sit on his lap where he touched my forehead to his slowly letting us sit there for a few minutes before his voice spoke out in a soft but gently whisper that floated around the room slowly making it glow.

He whispered "I hate leaving like this because this feels so wrong, I feel like this is just about sex. Believe me it isn't I promise. I love you and I'll call you later ok."

I nodded letting him give me a quick peck before getting up off his lap and letting him leave. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry. I can't cry anymore my eyes will get more and more bloodshot and I can't handle that right now. I've already got enough on my plate at the moment. I moved now going over to the chair grabbing my outfit before going in the bathroom and taking a long shower, after I took a long shower I walked over to the mirror looking at my reflection slowly as I tried so hard not to cry that when I looked in the mirror I saw myself as a cheater with blood shot eyes who let some tears fall down my cheeks yet again before I splashed some water on my face. I started on my outfit hearing the hotel door click open and Randy's loud voice rang out sweetly.

He yelled "Baby where you at?"

I looked away from the memory now staring at the bathroom door listening to his soft footsteps that were quickly brushing lightly on the carpet as I expected him to be looking around right about now. I felt nervousness rising up in my stomach making me almost puke, but I held it back. Guilt came along with nervousness except the guilt came in my chest covering the whole heart. My voice rang out before I could get it to choose to be normal or happy, but when I did yell back at him. My voice was nice and normal with a little cheery on the side. I want him to think that nothing is wrong and that I'm the same person he left an hour ago not someone who just cheated on their boyfriend. God, now every time I look at him, I'm going to hear that telling me over and over in my mind every minute we are going to be together. The feeling came strong staying in my stomach sticking to its own decision.

I yelled "Bathroom babe. I'll be out in a minute."

I slipped on my outfit pulling out my short hair that touched my shoulders lightly giving myself one glance in the mirror before going over to the bathroom door slowly touching the handle to the bathroom knob feeling the coolness on the knob cooling my hand softly before I walked out to see him sitting on the edge of the right side of the bed smiling at me along with motioning me to come over to him as I stood there trying to pull a smile to my face hoping that it will be believable. I felt like it would be slight believable for him, but for him it would be thank goodness. Relief washed over me almost letting out a heavy sigh from me. My mind came back now remembering that Randy wanted me to come close to him. My legs moved before even getting told to do so which didn't surprise me at all, they always do that. They seemed to know what to do before I do as does my mind. My legs moved slowly over to him trying to clear my mind and not think about anything else, but the cheating kept coming back making me feel even worse than I do now. Randy's voice rang out normally grabbing my waist looking up at me now showing the love that I didn't seem before we broke up. It made me feel warm and tingly seeing that almost letting my mind forget that I cheated on him.

He asked "You ready meetings on in fifteen minutes at the arena?"

I said "Yeah. Let me grab my shoes, coat, and purse."

He nodded making me lean down to kiss him lightly feeling the tinglyness spread through my whole body along with goosebumps. His lips were sweet and soft turning the kiss into a passionate one as I pulled away smiling before walking away slowly still trying to get myself to forget earlier today, but somehow I can't its burned into my mind. Like a brand of cow got burned to tell everyone who owns the cows. I watched them do that on bonanza once on an episode. If it would go away maybe I would feel a little better, but I don't think that's going to happen though. I reached for a white pair of 2 inch white heels that had silver on the bottom of them as I slipped my feet slowly in them feeling coldness laying inside the shoe as I wrapped my warm coat around me along with grabbing my bag. Randy was already behind me wrapping his arms around my waist giving me little kisses on my neck. I felt like this was going to turn into something more than I could handle right now as I stopped him smiling sweet trying to be nice and not rude at the moment. My voice rang out in a soft nice whisper telling him how I feel right now maybe he'll get the picture.

I whispered "Sweet later right now we've got to get to the arena for the meeting before we both get into trouble and/or fired."

His eyes agreed with me as he said nothing, he is too ashamed I guess. Heck I don't know and right now I don't feel like getting into the whole thing, all I want is to get to the arena along with through this day. This isn't how imagined my life going today. I thought it would be a nice quiet day, only I was totally wrong in every way. Each day just brings more and more problems to my table so much that I can't handle all of them.

Randy's hand grabbing my hand softly brought me to the real world as we started out of the hotel room and off to the elevators waiting on them seemed like a lifetime had passed when we heard the bell ring for us to get on as the doors opened. I looked in before my feet got on the elevator to see it's empty for the first time I've been here. It's always filled with people who get off on different floor every minute of the door. I wonder why this thing doesn't give up half the time running 24 hours a day, I guess they keep a repairman on the time to make sure the elevators are running well and nothing happens. The ding seemed to make my legs move, but brought me back to thinking of earlier seeing Dave in his outfit made me change my mind, maybe if he came normal in just a blue jeans and a wife beater. Nope I'd still think he's hot, gosh darn it. I can't think of him like this, this is wrong to be thinking and looking at someone else when I love Randy. I need to calm myself and think of him as my friend and what happened this afternoon. Can I do that? My thoughts got sidetracked when I bumped into Randy's back on accident, making him turn around slowly to me to check on me and when our eyes met I saw that he was scared and worried at the same time. All I could was nodded at him giving him a sweet smile as he gave me the eye to make sure I was telling the truth only I am, my thoughts have been else were. I stopped myself from almost floating back again when I got in the black town car stretch limo with black leather seats and a flat screen TV that is turned off at the moment. I slide over to the right side of the seat seeing another two sitting seats as I felt Randy slide in and grab my hand kissing my palm before I laid my head on his right shoulder trying to not think about Dave that seemed to pop in my mind as the drive seemed to go smooth as my thoughts came to Dave, my thoughts seemed to be going back to this afternoon and how he was dressed. I wasn't expecting that, I mean I bet he just came from a meeting or something. Then wouldn't have Randy had a meeting to? Maybe Randy went before his autograph signing that's why he was rushing earlier. The pieces seemed to fall into place except how I kissed him and how we ended up in bed together. Don't get me wrong it was so nice and comfortable when we just laid there in each other arms not worrying about anything in the world. I want that with Randy that comfortableness as we just laid down wrapped in each other's arms hearing the entire world disappear until the next morning. That'll be the day when that happens as I almost made myself laugh.

The car stopping made me look up ahead at a dark tinted window that no one was able to out or in. I heard the driver's front door open and closed quickly as I noticed that the he's rushing probably scared of getting yelled at or something more awful. I can only imagine what the stars do when they're late like evolution with triple h, now that's what I would be scared of seeing as how he's always in a bad mood. Does the guy even get in a good mood and be nice to people. Somehow I didn't believe he has ever gotten in a good mood in his life. Randy's hand came in mine with a gentle squeeze pulling me out of the limo and next to him as he walked on not even giving the guy a thank you or anything, but I did as I saw him smile lightly before he got back in the car and started to drive away slowly. I looked ahead now scared of seeing even one head on and how I look. I look a mess, I already know I do. I can't help it though if they look. It shows the scares of what this man I love made me go through. I almost let myself begin to cry looking at him now and everything that we went through and now what were going to go through if Randy finds out about me and Dave that's going to go up in flames I already know it will. That's for later though as I focused back on the building see a white door with a steel handle on it as Randy opened for me and him letting me go first as he came in after me grabbing my hand in his again. The building was huge with all kinds of pipes and lots of lights that hung down. Luggage boxes were everywhere now with WWE logos on them as is monitors on USA channel icon at the bottom right and a count down on the middle of the screen. I couldn't see the number though because Randy led us into the catering room for the meeting walking us quickly over to evolutions table. Dave sat on the right as Hunter sat at the middle beside Ric on his left side; they all sat at the back of the table looking up at the middle of the room for the meeting seeing Vince talking to some executives before the meeting will begin. I didn't know whether to go talk to him or stay here with Randy. Randy grabbed a nearby chair and placed it next to his as everyone else got seated like us ready for the meeting to start.

Vince's voice rang out normal like getting everyone's attention as he started the meeting.

Vince said "Let's get this meeting started; the reason why everyone is here is to talk about the new HD program were starting in next month for the universe to get more action. So I want you all to be sharper than normally. I have another thing to tell you."

I noticed that Randy got up telling me he had to run an errand for Hunter real quick and he scooped off before I could even give him answer as Vince brought back my attention to him saying my name. His voice sound proud and excited at the same time.

He said "Jennifer will be a new diva soon giving us more divas for more matches. All I need is someone to volunteer to train her and work with her in the gym daily."

Before anyone else John volunteer quickly rising up letting his voice rang out smooth showing his dimples as he smiled.

He said "I'll help her Vince."

Vince waited a few minutes before nodding and ending the meeting as everyone congratulated me as they walked by me. I didn't expect him to train me I was waiting on Dave to as I took a quick glance at Dave who looked away trying to hide his angry from everyone. I felt bad as well trying to make him look up at me to send him a gentle smile that might have made him feel better. Before I could get him to look at me, I felt a warm hand come around my shoulder making me turn to see who it was.

John with a nice dimples smile making me give him a smile back along with his voice coming out in an excited, but normal voice.

John said "We'll start tomorrow at 10:00 sharp alright."

I nodded realizing I didn't even get a heads up on the idea of me being a diva, I mean I'm not that pretty, I'm just plain average girl if I must say. John walked away slowly making me want to run over to Vince and ask him if he's crazy, I'm not diva material. I just do meeting, appearance, plain tickets, etc for some superstars and divas. I felt myself become more and more nervous about being on TV as I walked out the catering and started down the hall where I saw Randy's name on a billboard with his locker room number. 10 it said as I walked on trying to get to him and see why he didn't stay to volunteer to help me with my training instead of John. Don't get me wrong, John's the best choice and I'm grateful to him, but it's just that it's a good chance that we can spend some time together.

A voice yelling my name made me stop at locker room 4 as I glanced over my shoulder to see Dave was walking quickly to catch up to me smiling a little now. I smiled back as I walked into his speed now thinking how this is going to look to Randy as we passed number quickly and stopped at ten before I opened the door I took a deep breath and opened the door. There was Randy with some girl with long blonde hair on his lap kissing her passionate as I just screamed at them. Randy's natural reaction had to be too through the girl to the left side of the couch allowing me to get a good look at her face and finally realizing it was the desk clerk at the hotel. I felt my breath leave my mind for a moment making me almost feel like dying instantly right here. My breath came back as I noticed Randy was already up and off the couch and walking toward me only I felt Dave's arm pull me behind him as he stepped nose to nose with Randy, I felt all the angry and tension between them as did the rest of the arena before they spoke lightly.

Dave's said "Even with a second chance you still can't stop cheating."

Randy said "This isn't any of your business."

Then Randy pushed Dave so hard that the last thing I remember was falling and hitting my head making a sharp pain start before everything went black.

Thank yall so much for reviewing. Keep them coming please.


	11. Training Day

Chapter 11

My eyes opened for a minute, but then closed quickly as I rubbed them feeling a really bad headache pounding in my head as I tried to think of what happened. The last thing I remember was that I saw Randy cheating with the front desk girl, Randy and Dave went nose to nose, and then everything went black. A slow movement from across the room made me look around the room then finally resting on the person that I couldn't see for all the darkness that was in the room making me want to move, but my head hurt to bad to move at the moment. I felt my heart beat faster with a scared feeling coming in my stomach as the person came closer to me inch by inch as the person finally sat down on my bed. I don't want to think right now though moving over to the other side of the bed a little until his warm hand came softly in my right hand intertwining our hands together as his voice rang out in a sweet whisper.

He whispered "Hey it's ok, it's just me babe."

Dave.

His voice made me feel goosebumps as I put my hand to my head hoping that if I pressed my hand on my head that it would go away, but I had a feeling it wouldn't. All I want right is to have a nice aspirin and a bottle of water. Of course with plenty of sleep to make sure this headache goes away. I felt like my plan had been a positive one and that it would work as long as there is no interference that costs me. I couldn't ignore how shattered my heart feels right now, how it feels like a million pieces. The pieces are so broke and sharp that I don't know I how pick up the pieces of this mess. I almost let a tear fall down my cheek as I rose up slowly putting my pillow against the frame so that I can sit up and look Dave in the eyes. I spoke lightly trying not to make my head hurt anymore than it is right now.

I said "What happened, how did I get here?"

He waited a few minutes before speaking trying to make his voice sweet and in a light whisper as he tried to find the right words to say. His forehead became wrinkles for the moment letting me know that he is continuing to think of the right way to tell me what he is about to say. I felt my patience wearing very thin as I tried to wait slowly for him, I also waited for a chance to get a bottle of water and aspirins for my throbbing headache. His soft whispered made me almost smile at him to see how caring his face is at this moment and how much he really does care.

He whispered "Me and Randy got into and um he pushed me. When he pushed me I made you fall and hit your head on the TV table that was close by, I carried you to the medical office and they said you just have a nasty headache. I got worried about you babe. I brought you here about an hour ago."

I waited seeing that he was and still is worried as his hand sent a gentle squeeze to mine trying to make me feel better and to let me know that's here for me always and forever, whether we're together or not. So instead of saying something that would probably not be good at the time and end up in something more mean than nice I spoke softly to him trying so hard not to let my head hurt more than it has to.

I whispered "Can you get me a bottle of water and an aspirin please, and will you stay with me?"

He nodded slowly as he started leaning toward me slowly as I smiled leaning the rest of the way, so our lips could meet in a sweet soft kiss that seemed nothing like the ones Randy and I had, but they are nice. I felt his love in that kiss as he poured everything he has into that kiss letting me know how much he wants us to be together. A few minutes passed before we broke the kiss and he let me go to get my thing I asked for. His movement was slowly and smooth as he walked out, leaving only his scent of men's axe around the room that I never really noticed until now making my head hurt just a little bit more than it already is. I need an aspirin really bad before I go absolutely crazy. The thought almost made me laugh at myself, I sounded like pill popper. The thought quickly vanished as I closed my eyes trying to not think at all, maybe if I don't my headache will calm down and stop trying to kill me. This gave the chance to really just relax and to not think at all as I waited for Dave to come in the room.

A few minutes later he came back quickly almost rushing to get back to me as I smiled a little patting the space to my left as he walked on over to where I had patted giving me both the water and aspirin slowly sliding in his to me as I toke the aspirin quickly and drinking the water. I can't wait until this aspirin takes full affect. I need this headache gone before I have to meet John downstairs to start training and things, but for some reason I got funny feeling that tomorrow won't go as planned and to be honest that scares me so much. Things are with Randy, what if he shows up at practice and makes a huge scene in front of John. Gosh, how can I be so stupid to go back to him even now after I been without him for six whole months. Of course I do admit I did think about him and wish he was there with me so all the pain and misery would stop. Then if he was I'd probably going through the same thing now, my mind seemed to agree as I came back to the room slowly hearing Dave whisper softly.

He whispered "You better get some rest for in the morning Ms. Future Women's Champion."

That sentence made me smile, I like that idea, but somehow my body didn't as I noticed that I'm not like the other girls, I have a small tan, I never wear makeup and I can't get use to wearing short shorts, short skirts, tank top, low cut shirts, etc. That kind of stuff isn't for me though, I belong to the office getting superstars and divas ready to planes, appearances, movie deals, etc. I want to keep continuing on with my babbling but my eyes didn't as they shut down slowly as I rest my head on Dave's chest listening to his soft heart beat again this time it's skipping beats just a little. Then after a minute I feel asleep having a dream that seemed to be more miserable than when I was awake. The dream was about me and Randy getting married and moving off to some island that you only get to by bought then you need a car to drive to this small country town like the dukes of hazard almost. The drive to the town was an hour and you could only drive during the day because the town never put in any lamps on the roadside to the town. Don't ask me why because I don't know either I guess they never thought about or they couldn't afford it because their mayor was greedy like Boss hog is on the dukes of hazzard (the guy who play Bo is cute, but only on the second). (Don't ask). Our house was a nice cabin that had been repainted a nice oak brown on the outside and nice clear windows in the window frames that are so clear and clean that I can see the 32 inch TV which sat in front of the white cloth couch along with two living room white cloth chairs that matched the couch on the left side and right side of the couch, a nice black wood coffee table sat in front of the couch and chairs. The path around the living room set was clear, so you wouldn't bump into anything during the night to get a drink of water or use the bathroom. The paint that surrounds the living room was a nice golden color with a shine that almost made you look away as did the floor that matched the floors. The kitchen room was combined with the living room with a little space to have a table and chair, the table was glass on top with a dark black stand underneath the glass. Two chairs sat at both ends of the table as the chair frame was a shiny black and tan cloth cover the seating part of the chair. Behind the kitchen was a set of brown cabinets that were a normal oak with dark brown lines all over the cabinets to match each one as the bottom counters were a dark marble with small stones almost everywhere on the counters that stretch all the way across each half of the room until the right side of the counters stopped at the chair. The first was our room as the paint and the flooring as bedroom was normal like any other room. Next it was the bathroom matching living was the same oak as the toilet, shower, sink, etc. The dream was romantic as we only had eyes for us no one else seemed to bother us at all. No computers, no phones, nothing. That was the perfect place for an elderly couple to spend the rest of their lives together.

The next morning arrived with a nice shining light coming in my eyes making me blink my eyes a couple of times before I looked to see it was the sunlight blaring in through the opened light brown curtains. I noticed my headache is gone as I rolled over to Dave looking up at him as he slept softly. His chest moved lightly as did his breathing. In all honest I don't even know if he's now my boyfriend or not, I felt like I don't want to know at the moment. I don't want it to sound mean or anything, but I just got too much going on right now to know. Then again I want to know, so I can make him happy. What if this is my Mr. Right? The thought seemed to be liked so much it drilled it to a sticky note that had been place on the right side of my brain's filing cabinet. I stopped thinking looking at the time realizing that I'm suppose to meet John downstairs to start my training. I felt excited to be alone with him in a way because he's such a funny person on TV, I'd like to have a nice conversation with him, plus I like when he smiles the way his dimples show makes him look so cutie. The thought gave me little butterflies as I rolled over to see the clock and to see it was nine o'clock, dang it if I don't step on it now, I'm gonna be late. I had a feeling I would as I slipped out of bed quickly before running swiftly over to my bags and finding a gym suit. The gym is pure dark brown with a light green tank to go with it as I slipped the outfit over my right arm and took a nice shower. I got dressed quickly walking over to the door swiftly, but my hand rested on the door knob thinking about the last time I had been in here was when Randy came yelling for me earlier last night before we went to the meeting. If I could go back I would to tell the truth, but then I would feel bad for because I did see how much he really does care for me and how he does want to be with me, I guess I just don't know if it's the right thing to do at the moment. My mind stopped when I heard Dave yell for me with a sacredness coming from his voice that made me hurry and open the door so he could see that I'm ok. His face moved slowly over to me letting me see his big brown eyes that were worried and scared that I might have left him and gone back to Randy. The thought never crossed my mind really and then I remember what he said to Randy after me and Dave walked in on the scene between the desk clerk and Randy. Dave said "_Even with a second chance you still can't stop cheating." _The thought seemed to be repeating itself over and over until I could sing a song to those words almost. His voice rang out to be worried as I started back over to my bags where I dug through my bags trying to find my brown Nikes to match my outfit along with green socks to match my tank top.

He said "I thought you had left."

I waited a few minutes before I responded to his question; I wouldn't leave him that would be to mean to do something like that to him. That sentence made my blood begin to boil just a little as I tried to calm myself down. He thought that little of me; he thinks I can do something like that to him. Before I turned around to I calmed myself down to where I looked normal as I took deep breath. When I turned around to look at him, the angry seemed to begin to boil again. I couldn't help what I am about to say believe me.

I said "You think that I would just up and leave you, you have that much faith me. Well it's nice to know."

I slipped on my shoes quickly pitching my finger trying to slip them on in a hurry doesn't seem to be much help at the moment. I need some air right all, maybe I'm not meant to be with someone. Maybe I doomed to live the rest of my life alone. Well at least I don't have to worry about heart ache or anything. I got that to look forward to, no drama that seems to follow me everywhere I go. I stopped talking when Dave's hand grabbed my wrist gentle turning me to him as he pulled my arms around his neck and his hands went down to my waist making sure there's no space between us now leaning his forehead on mine slowly waiting a few minutes to speak for me to become calm and collected, so I would get any madder than I already am. My pulse began to calm down, but still skip a tiny beat for him. This isn't good in away because what if things go bad and I'm left to pick up the pieces once again like I have to with Randy at the moment. I don't think I can handle another relationship goes badly if something pops up or his wife comes back and they decide to get back together. The wife part stayed there making me worry over that now because anytime the phone, I guess that something to keep me on my toes.

Dave's lips came on mine softly making me come back to the room making me forget all the angry and worry that I had just a few moments ago, letting all my focus go to the kiss itself. Everything went away for that couple of minutes when we kiss before he leaned back, but only enough for a whisper. He whispered softly at me sweet and caring with a little worry around the edge that I might leave him because of what he said a few minutes ago. Why does he think that? Do I look that much in love with Randy that I can just up and leave Dave just like that? I can't, he's too much of a good guy to leave. You don't always find that now days, but if you do hold onto him tight. My mom always told me that every time I told her about a crush that never went through half the time. Now days looking for a good guy/Mr. Right is like looking for a needle in a haystack. When the kiss finally broke he pulled away only an inch to lean his forehead on mine softly breathing lightly on my lips. Before I could say anything his whisper came out softly.

He whispered "Baby I'm sorry please forgive me, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm just scared because I know at some point you might go back to him."

When I leaned away from him, I seen the sacredness in his eyes that's telling me the truth, he was right. I could, but the thought never crossed my mind once until now, Dave's the kind of guy you can trust and not worry what he's doing or if he's telling you a lie because he's not. This is what I want right here as I spoke gently to him in a soft whisper.

I whispered "Let's be together."

His eyes moved back up to mine as they fell to the floor looking sad at the last part he said, he thought I was thinking it before hand. His eyes searched mine to see if I'm for real or not. I am serious; this could turn into something that will last forever. This is going to make him even happier than he already was yesterday. After a few minutes of staring into my eyes seeing how serious I am, he kissed me passionately that seemed more special than when Randy kissed me like that. Then I remembered that I've got to meet John downstairs, I think Dave did to as he pulled me away gentle. A smile came on Dave's face that I never saw before; his smile showed so much excitement and happiness that nothing in the world could take the smile off his face. His voice rang out gentle as he walked me to the door grabbing my black gym black off the floor next to the door frame.

He said "Go do your training babe."

I nodded kissing him gentle when we got to the door; Dave is so happy that when I went to touch the door knob, his hand beat me to opening the door for me. I stepped up to the line looking at him one last time. He spoke gently this time getting me loving eyes.

He said "The sooner you go, the sooner you get back to me. I love you baby."

I nodded kissing him lightly before taking my gym bag and started down to the lobby as I took a look at my phone quickly and that's when I noticed I have 49 voicemails, 100 missed calls, and 24 texts messages. All of them from Randy, I don't even need to look at them to know what they say. I miss you baby, call me babe, please call, it didn't mean anything. The same bull that he always says to me time after time and I always believed because I thought if I had left the relationship then I'd be giving up, I didn't want to give up on us. I was wrong; I guess I should have just left. My mind agreed with me, but my heart doesn't agree though wanting me to stay with him even though it costs me tears. This isn't something I need on my mind right now as I got on the elevator and pushed the ground floor. Oh my gosh I forgot that Randy is at the gym this time of morning, how can that just slip my mind. I guess we could go to the arena and do stretches and workouts. I hope we can, facing Randy right now isn't the smart thing to do right now. The ding from the elevator made me start walking toward the lobby slipping on my hood before I got to the front lobby where all the people seemed to be the center of everything when you arrive at the hotel each morning, but this morning the lobby looks empty as many people seemed to be going in the conference room for some event. That's great now I don't have much of a chance to hide through the crowd, so Randy won't see me. I had feeling he's watching out the gym window before I got the nerve to slide by real quick. I have to take a chance though. I started moving my legs quickly seeing John sitting in a chair by the door looking down at the floor obviously in a day dream because when I yelled his name, he didn't make one movement. I don't know whether to touch his shoulder or not, should I give him a little tap on the shoulder to get his attention or stand beside him until he notices me. So without even thinking I tapped his shoulder when I finally arrived close enough to him as he looked up, I could see the excitement in his eyes to see me. The only thing that came to my mind is oh no. He rose up slowly grabbing his bag and asking for mine as well, but I declined following him slowly trying to look forward. We walked together keep the same pace as we made it to his nice rental Lincoln navigator that's dark black with silver rims on the outside; the windows are so dark that I can't even see in through the window if I tried. These windows are darker than normal. I didn't noticed that John slipped out of my hand until he moved a little quicker than my pace pushing the alarm button on the remote to un-alarm the SUV as well as unlock the door for me to go ahead and get him, but while I walked I saw he wore blue jeans and his regular jersey with his old college number 54 and Cena underneath. The trim is dark green while the rest of the shirt is white. He wore white tennis that were plain no design or anything on them, that makes me think of my old converse that were black and white, I always use to keep them dirty even though I would wash them the next day they'd get dirty. I smiled at the thought before I hopped in hearing John close both my door and the back door before running over to the driver's door.

He moved swiftly starting the car and turning off the radio before he pulled the car down in reverse looking both left, right, and behind to make sure there's no cars coming. He started back out slowly as I looked around the car to see the gray leather everywhere and with a new radio put in. The car is normal I guess and at the moment I didn't really feel like talking or thinking, so we sat the rest of the car ride saying nothing or without the radio which made things even more uncomfortable for both of us I could tell. The thing that really got my attention is how nervous he's seemed right now as the car ride home. I mean he's almost sweating basically. I had to laugh as we pulled up to the arena, his face moved over to mine with a nervous smile getting ready to ask me what I was laughing about. His voice came out normal with his also laughing a little, but still being able to talk.

He asked "What's funny?"

I laughed a little more before my voice rang out softly.

I asked "Why are you nervous?"

He said "To be honest I've never trained anyone."

I said "Oh."

When I looked at him again I saw in his eyes he's telling half the truth before he turned around to get out as I did the same. When I got out John had already opened the door and grabbed both mine and his gym bag. I felt so rude letting him carry my bag when all I want is to carry mine, so I won't look needy or dependent. That's when I asked for my bag from him trying to hold back a laugh that almost escaped me. I can't believe how nervous he is about this.

I asked "Can I have my bag please?"

He looked at me before shutting the door with his should and shaking his head no. This wanted me to laugh even more the way after he shook his head with a huge smile as he walked forward to the arena. I noticed we parked behind the building just in case people came by to see if any superstar is here I guess I don't know. I had a feeling it was more than that, but I don't think it's any of my business. Suddenly I felt that same feeling I had last night that something isn't going to go as planned, but now I felt the feeling stronger. I almost want to yell and say maybe we should do the training thing today, but I'd feel too bad later. I won't say anything and I have to be more careful. I just hope my thoughts will stay at a standstill once we start training, I felt myself cringe away scared something might happen that we accidently kiss or something. I don't need that either. Nothing's going to happen if I keep repeating that, so as we walked to the back door to the arena I kept repeating, when we went through the double doors I kept repeating the same sentence, then finally I stopped when we got on the right side of the arena as he dropped both gym bags down on the ground beside the ring. He called my name normal for me to sit down so we could do some stretches. This place was nice; I mean it had its own little gym for me and everything along with the ring. Dang, I guess Vince thought things would be easier this way. It is easier this way, not having any distractions as I started on my stretches doing each 20 times.

_30 Minutes Later…._

We started working out first going to the treadmill then just around the room as he touch my hands to make sure showing me how each exercise will before I started. Now he was getting nervous trying to concrete seemed even harder than just driving us here as I laughed at him a second time after we had finished up the gym part of the lesson, he talked a lot about how you have to be prepared for your opponents next move all the time the match is going on. How you have to do stretches before promos and how you must try to counter each move if you can, etc. I noticed how he never really looked at me a lot always looking up around the stands, at the ring, or at the ground trying to hide his eyes from me.

The break he gave me seemed to last only ten minutes before he started on telling me to get into the ring to practice some basic moves. I did hoping up then walking slowly over to the ring where he had the top and middle ropes open for me and his right hand extend out to me as I placed my hand in his I felt a little tingle course through that one touch like me and Randy have when we touched. My hand stayed in his for about a minute before he let our hands going making me want to just hold our hands together for a while. I missed the tinglyness that I use to get with Randy. Dang I can't think or something's gonna happen that might change everything.

John's voice echoing through the arena made me look over at him as showed me a how to through the right punch in the ring then wanting me to punch him the way he had shown me. I throw the punch like he showed giving all my might into that one little punch. I guess I kind of hit a little too hard because I noticed his left cheek is now pink. I stepped back away feeling bad, dang I should have just tapped him on the cheek as he looked back up at me now smiling at me showing off his dimples while nodding his head that was good, I could already tell by the nod he's giving me. I smiled at him sweetly before we continued on with the punch for an hour making sure I got it down pat. The next and last thing for the day is how to do the arm bar take down, he showed me how you put all your weight into throwing your appointment over to the other side of the ring, I started out matching my upper to his making sure I had the both our arms where I could put all my weight into throwing him my way, but instead he ended up throwing me his way, but catching me in before I hit the ring as he brought me down gentle. Our eyes met for a brief moment then without even a word he leaned down to me letting our lips meeting into a sweet soft kiss.

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE LEAVE COMMENTS. I WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD COMMENT. Keep the reviews coming please.


	12. Blackmail

Chapter 12

The kiss turned passionately then turned into a make-out that lasted about 15 minutes before we both pulled away from each other along with separating to other sides of the arena. My mind went blank only thinking about the kiss and the make out session that just happened, how did it happen that's what's running through my mind as I looked at him with wide eyes. He rose up slowly putting his hands on his hips over his t-shirt and looking down at the mat away from my eyes feeling ashamed. I felt the same way, how am I going to tell Dave? Should I tell Dave? I knew something like this could happen if we got together. I felt all my frustration become a reality as John's movement brought me back to here instead of the future. He moved slowly over to me a little scared that I might be mad at him, but the truth is I don't feel mad. I just feel shocked and guilty that this happened behind Dave's back, if I was single then I wouldn't worry about this. I'm not, which makes this even more difficult than usual. This just creates more problems for me right now that I don't need with everything just happening with Randy. Maybe I shouldn't tell him right now, I should wait for a better time when all this drama blows away. A hand came in front of my face waving in front of my face made me look slowly up at John's face seeing concern in his eyes that made me not want to look around as he moved to sit down in front of me.

I had a feeling that he wants to talk about this and I tried to show I like do, but somehow I don't really want to at the moment. Let's let the shock go away first maybe tomorrow or the next, maybe never. I feel like this conversation doesn't need to happen, I want to tell him that. My heart is too soft to hurt his feelings though. How do I honestly get myself into these messes that seemed to be multiplying at the moment? John soft voice made me move my eyes away from him quickly looking down at the gray looking mat that we both sat on across from each other.

He said "Sorry I didn't mean to kiss you; I guess I got nervous and wasn't thinking."

I waited seeing he was half telling me the truth like he was doing earlier. Why is he lying? That's what I want to know? I felt my lips move in a normal voice as I said it before I thought.

I asked "Why have you been half-lying to me?"

He looked away from me to the back of the arena up through the stands trying to find the right way to answer my question as I waited I moved a little closer to him putting my hand under his chin slowly pulling his face back to mine. His ocean blue eyes looked more nervous than he was earlier today. This made me laugh as I waited for him to talk to me and answer my question honestly. When he spoke he moved his face down to look at the mat this time, it made me feel like he wants to disappear forever. If he don't want to look at me then why did he even volunteer to help me train? The question wanted to be asked only I stopped my mouth before it had the chance to react without my command as Johns words came out softly in the air.

He said "It's easier if I do."

I asked "Why is it ea-"

Randy's voice rang out echoing through the entire arena making me and John both look up at the ramp way as we watched him come down the ramp in a pair of regular blue jeans, evolution black t-shirt, and a pair of black dress shoes. His voice sounded of a mixer of pissed and sad at the same time as me and John stood up seeing him start to walk down the ramp looking dead at me. His eyes had bags under them and I could already tell he's been drinking last night from the way he cringed when the echoing came back around to him. My feet moved out of the ring before I had the to tell them to as Randy came nearer to me I felt my heart skip so many beats as I walked closer to him wanting to feel his touch. I realized he's never really done things this way; he never talked to me when he came back to the house. He just went back to his normal ruin and we'd forget about the fight or he'd say he's sorry and then we'd make love. That thought made me want to go back and forget everything that's happened between us last night, but then if I did do something like that I'd lose Dave and that wouldn't be fair after everything he's done for me. My mind cringed away not wanting me to get anywhere near the thought of me and Randy together again, but my heart leaped at the thought. A relationship with Randy isn't really something that can phase to the marriage part of the relationship. A relationship with him will crumbly eventually. I want something that's so strong that nothing can tear it down, so much love that problems won't even happen, but if they do then we can straighten the situation out. Dave's perfect for anyone including me and now I've messed that up.

My thoughts stopped when I felt a gentle tug on my wrist making me walk up the ramp now where we could talk alone, but my feet stop making me almost bump into the back of Randy. I want John beside me as witness incase Randy tries to anything and knowing him that's a must. Randy's eyes came around to me softly as did his body turning around to me not ready to start talking, but he's willing to get everything out in the open. Before he could even open his mouth I turned around softly waving John who is now standing with his hands on his hip watching us closely seeing if I need any help from him. When I waved him over quickly, he moved swiftly out of the ring and started running up the ramp where we had stopped in the middle. He stopped running when he stood close to me; he stood so close that I could feel his warmth from his forearm as me and John looked back at Randy who is now mad enough to spit nails at the both of us. My heart didn't really care that he's mad now; I guess that's an impressive change. I use to care so much that even if I didn't do anything wrong I'd apologize for something he did instead of waiting for him to apologize for what he did. I can't stand when we use to fight; we use to fight all the time over almost anything. I remember this one time so much because the time that the fight started was at 2:30.

_I looked over at the side of the bed realizing the right side of the bed was empty as I raised up slowly pulling the sheet over to Randy's side of the bed slipping on my black flip flops and raising up gentle. My feet brought me over to the glass window that was open feeling the cool breeze come in. The air seemed like pine trees as I noticed down in front of the garage was Randy's hummer pulling in as he shut off the headlights before turning in, so that if I was up I wouldn't notice that he was gone even though I would already know where he'd being going to when we would come to his house. Some ex he had, Samantha is her name. He'd spend all hours of the day out when we came up here to visit his family. That's about the only time he wasn't on the couch. _

_I put my thoughts away for the moment looking down as I watched him get out and close the door slowly slipping the keys into his pocket and disappearing by the side of the house. That's why I never heard him come in; he always went through the back as I walked back over to my side of the bed. I felt the tears coming even before I had the chance to let make them go away as I buried my head in my hands rocking back and forth. Oh my god, we're caving. I don't what to do anymore, what do I do? I need an answer to this. Only this is my problem that I need to figure out with Randy. Tonight we're going to fix this_

_My mind stopped all my thoughts as I heard the door knob turn and Randy appear in the middle of the door looking straight at me making me not be able to stop the tears as I rose up slowly going over to my duffel bags and grabbing it out of the closet before I moved over to the dresser picking out all the clothes I'll need until tomorrow when I come back to get the rest. Only when started putting my clothes neatly in my bag, Randy came over to me stopping me with his hands coming in mine as he sat down slowly on the edge of the bed bringing me to stand in front of him. This is what I wanted for us not to have all those problems that seemed to be surfacing more and more each moment that passed us now days, different from when we first got together. When we first got together everything was perfect no problems, he was right there with me through everything. I want him like that then and now, but I had a feeling that he isn't every going to change until he finds that person. That person isn't me, I knew it all along. I guess I couldn't make myself see it until then and I still didn't want to realize as Randy's voice came through my thoughts making me look up at him seeing all the seriousness come in his eyes. _

_He asked "What are you doing babe?"_

_I said "Leaving for the night."_

_He asked "Why?"_

_I waited a few minutes trying so hard to keep myself together as I answered him softly. Before I spoke the whole room felt still like it was waiting for my answer right alongside Randy as I finally decided to tell him that we're caving in and I don't know what to do anymore._

_I said "Because we're caving Randy you don't see that. Honestly I don't know what to do about it; I mean I've tried everything in the world to get you to realize how much I love you. You don't see that all you see is someone you can keep when the others aren't around for you; you want the nice soft home life with a little spice on the sidelines. Have you ever thought about how all this makes me feel?"_

_He made his eyes look over at the picture that was taken of us two months ago when Vince had the tour to Iraq. That tour was so nice to finally say thank you to all the men and women who serve to protect us. The picture showed me and him underneath the mistletoe kissing. If I had the chance to go back now I would to change how I got here. I wouldn't be on this brand if I would have known this was going to happen. I guess this how my life wanted to go as I moved from him now trying to keep distance from him knowing that if this fight we're about to have is going to turn bad then I'm going to be the one saying I'm sorry instead of him who came in late and who shouldn't have left any way. The stillness in the room changed into tension as I started my packing once again, I didn't realize that he had begun talking blocking out everything on accident. His voice made me jump lightly is how I heard him yelling and walking back forth in the dark. His voice rang out in a bad and frustrated tone._

_He said "You think this is what that's about. I KNOW WE'RE CAVING BABY, BUT WHAT CAN I DO? TELL ME. You always think I'm cheating when I'm not. FOR THE RECORD I DON'T WANT NOTHING ELSE ON THE SIDE ALL I WANT IS YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!"_

_I said "Randy I know your lying by how strong that cotton candy perfume that always seems to be on your clothes every time you walk through this door. I know for a fact that Hunter isn't up here because he's visiting Stephanie. Dave's at his house in Florida because I accidently overheard them. Ric is also at his home because Hunter talked about meeting him there. Am I missing anything so far? I know you're seeing Samantha because I seen the messages when moving your junk around the house trying to find my car keys that you hide from me again. I also know that Hunter doesn't want any meetings at 2:30 in the morning because he gets up at 7:00 every morning ringing your phone off the hook and I have to answer get yelled at then give you the phone to tell you to meet him for breakfast and discuss evolution things. I do remember the last time you said that to me was the first time to have me meet your parents. Did I miss anything?"_

_I finally breathed deeply moving my hair back away from my eyes trying to hold back the tears that tried so hard to escape from my eyes to move down to my cheeks softly as he stopped in the middle of the room to look at me as I felt his eyes on me. I could feel that he was shocked at how much I notice things and I do notice things that he does like how he gives me little shy looks sometimes and that's when I know he loves me for that brief moment in one day a week maybe sometimes once a month. Other times I'm just another person who sleeps with him and cooks his meals, cleans his house plus does his laundry, etc. I don't want that I want to be the girl that he loves to be around, the one girl who he wants to watch movies with, go to the park with, have romantic dinners with, etc. I want to be the only girl in his life instead of different every night while on the road or when at his parents his ex who seems to be still in love with him. I don't really know if he's in love with her and right now I don't think I want to know because that might just piss me off even more._

_I felt all the angry in my blood coming to a boil that might just blow this whole roof off the house. I didn't even notice that he had started talking until I looked at him and heard his voice coming out smooth and collected as he didn't move a muscle from where he had been standing when I told everything I noticed. I kept all that bottled up for when I needed to try and make him realize that I love him and I do try to help him in every way I can whether it's going to sit in the ER waiting for him to get out of shoulder surgery or helping him home for recovery. I'm here every minute that he needed or needs me and you can't find that every day. That kind of person is so hard to find in the world today and if you find them you better keep them._

_He asked "Well I give you points for noticing and doing everything I need done. I do love you and I don't cheat on you like I think you do. I guess my words don't mean anything to you anymore right?"_

_I waited for a moment trying so hard not to go down guilt road, he through the last part in to make me feel bad and forget everything that happened tonight, but I need to try and not give him. If I do then maybe we can stop and spend the much need time together to see if we can fix this relationship before it gets so bad we both can't stand each other. I don't want this relationship to go that far and I don't think he wants it to either. Movement made come back to this room and still feel all the tension that coursed through the entire room and now started moving around the whole house. I focused my eyes back on Randy who had now moved over to the bedroom door with his hand turning the knob slowly, I could see this only by the moonlight that came in through the window that I saw Randy pull up in the driveway not 15 minutes ago. He only opened the door a crack before turning his head my way and started talking a in a soft still voice._

_He said "Think about me leaving right now ok."_

_I said "Randy wait no please look I'm sorry please stay I don't want you to go."_

_I guess he didn't hear me as he moved swiftly out the door leaving me to fall on the floor and let all the tears fall down my cheeks and hold my knees to my face for hours. _

Randy touched my hand softly making me look back up at him instead of looking at the floor. His eyes were pleading so bad that I felt bad even though I haven't done anything to him. Something else showed in his eyes, something I have never seen before and I had a feeling I'm about to know though.

He said "I want another chance or I'll tell Dave what I just saw between you."

Sorry guys I'm super busy with getting our driveway paved. Hope u like it. Thanks for the reviews please keep them coming.


	13. Hey if u wnt somthng in the nxt chap

Hey tell somethings you want in the next chapter and ill put them in. thanks for the reviews keep them coming please


	14. Two Kisses Equals One Guilt

Chapter 14

Blackmail survived through my mind blowing through every thought that came to my mind as I waited for a moment taking a deep breath. This is what he's come to choices, if I don't tell Dave then Randy will and if I do then Dave will probably leave. Dang it, he must have followed us here from the hotel even though I didn't see him anywhere in the window of the gym. I felt my blood boil as I finally made my decision.

I said "You know what Randy you do what you have to because you're not having your way this time. I love you so much that six months away from you almost killed me, but you don't care its right there in your eyes showing right now. You aren't going to change even if I got married to you. Maybe when you turn thirty, but I highly doubt it. After you get over this god gift to women thing that evolution has drilled in your head along with all the other girls all over the nation that watch Raw just for you. Evolution has changed you into someone who doesn't want love, just someone to be with them so they don't have to be along during the night or day when you aren't surrounded by people or co-workers. Evolution made you arrogant and immature so much, I don't know how I can love you. This isn't the guy I love. I love the man that use to be with me every minute of everyday having food fights, pillow fights, picking out a house, picking out my car. I kept all the feelings that I had after we started downhill to myself forever and I never really complained, I thought that if I did keep the problems to me that they'd go away, but they didn't and then when I tried to sit you down and tell you all the problems we did have. You always have somewhere else to be. Like the time I got pregnant, I sat you down remember in the living, just as I was going to tell you what happened. You're phone rung and you left, I sat there all night and half the morning until I finally picked myself up and took a shower, ate breakfast and laid down crying myself to sleep. You made me have a miscarriage worrying about what time you're coming home, if you're ok, when I am going to tell, if I should leave. Go ahead and do what you have to do."

I sighed breathing hard from all the talking I did as my throat became scratchy. Dang that's more like a speech than a simple word back to him. My eyes were afraid to look up at him as I finally made them seeing he had moved over to the right side of the ramp looking around trying to keep his cool so not to make a scene or anything in front of John. Even though he wanted to just have argument with to get all the angry and frustration out of me so everything can return to normal only this time I don't think things can ever really be normal with me him. I moved closer to him slowly touching his arm lightly as I turned him around to me to see his face before I started talking to him. My voice rang out softly and in a gentle whisper.

I whispered "I love you and I know that you know that I do. Randy we're not meant to be. One day you're going to find the perfect girl that you can really love and want to be settled with. She'll be the girl that you want kids with and a nice home. She'll also be lucky to have you once you'll settled out of the immature life and stopped cheating."

I started to move away, but Randy's soft hand came in mine intertwining our hands together before he moved his lips in a soft whisper, the whisper came out so low I could barely hear it.

He whispered "I can change."

I let all the tears that wanted to fall come down my cheek knowing what he just said is a lie that he trying so hard to make me and him both believe right now. My heart wants to believe him so much that I almost caved in to him, but I made my heart stop right at that thought. This can't happen I can't go back into that kind of relationship with him, yes there were good times, but all the bad times we had makes everything different between us. That's what also makes me caution about being alone with him because you never really what he's going to do. So I braced myself for what I was about to do and then I just said it gentle to him. My voice came in a normal voice now almost mean, but I let the mean go and focused on what I want him to hear.

I said "You say that now, but in time you'll go back to your old ways."

He just looked at me now with hurtful eyes that seemed to be burned into my memory now before he turned and walked away from me without even another word. Some part of me wants to run after to him and try to talk to him, make peace with him, but if I do that then he'll think I'm caving in and he'll try something on me. I just know he will, my mind clapped and cheered for me staying here instead of running after him, but my heart made the tiny pieces break into even smaller pieces than they were last night as I felt a soft hand come on my wrist letting a little tingly flow through the touch that is so light that normally someone else couldn't feel this kind of touch I think unless they had that feeling. My heart leaped a little for John, but Randy was a whole another story. The way he can make my heart almost come out of chest, get butterflies in my stomach. One man can do that and to be honest that scares the crap out of me. I don't why it does, but I can feel my heart become scared and happy at the same time and I have never felt that before I met Randy. Somehow I knew in the back of my mind I'll never have that feeling again. Sadness rolled into my mind as did my heart wanting to feel that feeling again with someone else besides Randy so I can be happy and hopefully get over him. I want to get over him in away because the heartache and pain isn't worth it, but I know that every feeling I have for him will go away. I don't want that in away because what if he does change and then he tries to show me and I have to tell him all my feelings have gone away for him. I don't want to see his face when that happens because I won't to be able to stand there and see his heartbreak. I have a feeling though I won't ever really fall out of love with him and that I can live with. I love him like crazy, he's always going to be my number one man, but it's time to move on.

I felt John pull me gently toward the ring softly as I turned my head around to see Randy's back turning around into the curtain and backstage as I turned my head back around to see John back. I guess the kiss that happened earlier was my gut feelings because the feeling is gone now. Great if it isn't one thing isn't another with me, my life lives off of bumps in my road. I can't get past cheating in my life, if it isn't Randy cheating on me, I'm cheating on Dave. My whole life feels likes like its falling apart piece by piece and I don't know how to fix things or get them back on. I don't know where to pick up the pieces; maybe I should just get married. That's not actually a bad idea, I just don't know who with, I want someone I can depend on and not someone who cheats lies, etc. I want the average marriage, we both spend time together, but we don't have to worry about each other cheating. Maybe I came back to soon, somehow I felt like I couldn't have come back at a better time. Time off could just delay my arrival as a new diva and that I do want to prove to myself and everyone else that I am better than just an office person. John's voice echoed a little throughout the arena making me look up now to see my feet had stopped at the stairs as John stopped on the second step trying to make me come back to this reality instead of focusing on my problems at the moment. I can't do anything about at the moment.

John said "Jennifer."

I asked "What?"

He asked "You ok?"

I nodded moving my feet again up the stairs now right behind John as I noticed that my hand and his hand are still together. I don't know if I should pull away or leave my hand placed in his. Is it cheating? I don't think it is, but someone besides Randy might tell and I still think Randy might just to get me and Dave broken up. I just I have that strange feeling he might. I remembered John's question as my voice rang out softly across the squared circle.

I said "Yeah, just tired I guess."

He laughed letting go my hand before he sat down on the second rope as he pulled down the top rope allowing me to come in the ring easier before he came in after me, I walked in the middle with my back to the ramp as John came to stand in front of me. When my eyes looked up to his eyes, I saw the proudness in his eyes that he has for me for the way I stood up to Randy and told him no. I had a feeling that he didn't know how much that hurt me so much to do that. I don't want him to know how much that hurt me as much as it did Randy. John's voice rang out softly to me making me come back to the arena once again.

He said "We'll announce you're debut next month at the rate we're training you should be ready by then. We need to get at least four hours in and we only have one in, so let's get back to work. "

I nodded slowly practicing the arm bar take down like we did earlier and this time around everything went smoothly as we did that one move six times until I done the move swiftly. Those six moves went on for about two hours before he stopped me to take a rest before we finished up the next hour. I took a towel before I sat down in the middle of the corner whipping the sweat off my forehead as John sat down right at my left foot moving them on his lap and removing my tennis shoes and socks finally seeing the blisters that had formed on both my bottom of my feet and the back of my heel in a matter of three hours and we still had an hour to go. I don't think I can make it, what if I don't. I guess I have to get use to this kind of work, there's no doubt I don't love this job and want to become a diva, but I'm afraid that all this training is going to be too hard for me. That thought disappeared right after it came to my mind as I saw John's hand wave in my face softly trying to get my attention. I looked back up at him seeing as how my eyes went down to where he is rubbing my left foot, I felt the tingly in his touch as I tried to move my foot away, but the stubbornness in John made me leave my foot where it is as he talked softly.

He said "I'm proud of you."

I said "Thank you, but I don't think you that you would be proud of me if you knew how much that hurt me inside. I felt my whole world crumb to even smaller pieces with every tiny step he took."

He said "I notice that to, but I think that after time, you and him will both get over each other. I know Randy will soon enough after he finds someone else interesting trust me."

I said "That's just it he did in Missouri, but he always came back to me. Sometimes I felt the love that he had for me and other times I didn't. The other times I just felt like someone he wanted to keep around for his cooking, cleaning, and other things he needed you know?"

My words flowed throughout both of with a cold feeling that seemed to linger for more than 10 minutes before either one of us could even find the words to speak or make them come out at what I just said. It's the truth and I needed it to come out to someone that I thought would like to know what Randy's all about besides someone in the group. John's voice spoke first letting me hold back my tears that wanted fall down my cheeks, except this time I made them stop though knowing to myself this isn't the time or place for them to fall.

John moved his hands away helping me put my shoes and socks back on my feet slowly then grabbing my hand pulling me to his chest for a brief moment we both stopped looking at each other almost kissing once again, but I stopped both of us making my body move out of the ring slowly and grabbing my bag to slip on my shoulder. I hope I didn't seem rude, but I don't need to add on to my problems right now. Stress seemed to be part of my life more than ever alongside worrying. I guess John noticed how my life is turning out to be and didn't want that. So he wasted no time in getting me back to the hotel as we went up the ramp and out the arena toward his rented car and we got in not saying one word to each other as we stayed quiet the whole time we road back to the hotel, both of us scared to even speak to each other at the moment. Soon or later one of us is going to have to speak, but I know it won't be me. When we finally pulled up, I didn't even have time to look over at the driver's side to see John, he was already out and over to my side opening my door and helping me out. I got out slowly taking in his hand in mine as he watched my feet to see if I am getting out ok. This almost made me almost really smile like I haven't in a long time at how much he really cares about me. This is what is going to add on to my problems even more if Dave sees this because that might start something that doesn't need to be started. I felt my mind agree as does my heart. I finally started walking a little to shut my door and try to get my bag, but John has my bag yet again refusing to let me carry it as we started walking into the hotel.

When we entered the lobby, the place was not too busy, but not too dull. I didn't really have any time to notice much as John took my hand in his again and lead me start to the elevator not even stopping for anything as he pushed the button for up on the elevator. The elevator dinged just two minutes later as we got on and pushed my floor. Before I could even give a command I reached up to John and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek, but our lips meet as he turned his head toward me. The kiss made me tingly all over as my hands wrapped around his neck pulling him closer, before his arms came around my waist softly he dropped both bags quickly on the ground one on each side. The kiss turned into another make-out session only this time it was a 3 minute make-out session as the elevator bell rang for my floor and we pulled away quickly letting go of the tingly feeling as we walked off the elevator and down the hall to my room. I could feel the tension in the hall as we walked on anyway not even glancing up at each other. I think he's made at me and him both for kissing me, but I didn't tell him about Dave. I guess he must have known since what happened last night with Dave caring me out of the arena. In all honesty he should have said something about it or at least pulled away. I'm no more guiltier than him though because I kissed him back the first time and I kissed him the second time. We're both guilty, but he can at least talk to me. We stopped in front of my door as he handed me my bag and spoke softly looking start at me now.

He said "I'll see you later to discuss the plans for tomorrow."

I nodded sliding my door key through the slot and without another glance at him, I went slowly closing the door and looked around for Dave slowly scared that Randy might have talked to him either over the phone or in person, but my guess is over the phone. I finally found him resting my eyes over at him on the sofa as he sat on the couch putting his elbows on his sweat pants softly and now looking dead at me. His voice came out in a normal, but angry tone at the same time.

He asked "Do you want to tell me why Randy called me and told me that he saw you and John kissing at training earlier today?"

The reviews are wonderful thank u so much for reviewing the chapters it means a lot to me. Keep them coming please. I hope you like it.


	15. PUNCH!

Chapter 15

I felt every bone in my body freeze feeling the question blow through my mind and trying to find the answer to his question in the best way possible to benefit both me and him, but I think the truth will fit everything best. My words came out soft and scared as I tried so hard to be brave or seem to be.

I said "It was an accident, it didn't mean anything."

He looked at me slowly trying to see if it was true or not. I hoped my eyes would prove that to both me and him, but more him because I don't want any more problems plus I don't want lose him. Some reason my heart through the last sentence away. I felt sadness come into my heart a little wanting to feel something for him, but nothing is there. I can't make my heart feel something for him, even though I wish it would at least have a crush on him. Somehow that thought seemed so far away that it could be in space right now for all I know and that didn't really matter, maybe all my problems can be in space just moving along out of my life. Maybe I'll get gray hairs before I turn thirty, this thought made fear creep into my heart and stomach like it does when I hear something about needles. I hate needles and how much they hurt or having an IV put into your arm. Gosh that hurts, the only thing I can wish for is that the next time I have to have an IV, I'll be passed out. I put that last thought in my file cabinet for later. I returned to the hotel room looking at Dave who is now turned to me as he moved his eyes to the ground looking at the glass coffee table that had a green plant in the middle that didn't need any water and a deer park water bottle that had been drinked letting the water rest on the line that had the logo. The bottle had been out of the fridge for about 15 minutes as the water began to slide down the bottle and on to the coffee table forming a water circle. Dave's voice came out softly ringing out in my ears as I turned back to him looking into his brown chocolate eyes trying so hard not to notice the pain that surfaced in them.

He said "I don't want to lose you, but I also don't want you to be unhappy either."

I moved over slowly sitting on his lap as I messed with him pink dress shirt, his outfit (that I never really noticed until now consumed of a black suite that has pink lines down each space as does the pants, black dress shoes matched the black spaces in both his jacket and pants. His shirt is pink with white lines down each space as I unbuttoned the top button and started speaking in a low sad tone trying so hard not to let a single tear fall down my cheek in front of him and let him feel even worse. Nope can't let that happen. I kissed him gently on the lips before I spoke softly to him.

I said "I want us to be together; I want to sleep next to you, watch movies with you, maybe after a couple of months move in with you."

He came forward letting our lips meeting slowly as I tried to let what I said sink in, but it didn't. All I feel is his warm lips on mine, it isn't like the kiss from John earlier or when Randy kissed me before we broke up. I felt nothing when we kissed, but skip in my heartbeat that seemed to be getting lighter and light as my heart is trying to fight that feeling. I have to put that aside for the moment because Dave might not believe me and that's what's worrying me the most at the moment. Even though it is true for both me and him, without further delay I made my eyes move back up to his eyes finally seeing the approval of that he did believe me as our kiss increased to into a steamy make-out session that almost made us go to the bedroom. His cell started ringing loudly making us both move away as I stood up slowly walking off to the bathroom to give him some privacy for the moment and to straighten my outfit that had been almost off me when the phone rang. This gave me the chance to really look at myself in the mirror now and see what I would look at after everything came to an end with Randy for the finally time, but somehow I felt like this isn't the finally time with Randy. It's just a break for now, like soon things will go back to being just me and him with me worrying all hours of the night as I waited for him to come home and smell like woman's cologne. All the fighting that happened almost all the time and then making up in order to just push the problem away, only the problem doesn't go away. The problem stays and multiples with more and more problems until one day you can't push the problems that you've tried to block away out anymore, they've done pushed down the door. The day when you just can't take the cheating anymore and you finally get up the nerve to tell him goodbye and then you spend six months alone to try and get over him, but when you see him again every feeling that you felt comes rushing back and you sleep with him before you decided to take him back only to witness his cheating ways once again and that's when you move on. I want to move on with the right guy, to be with someone who wants to go to family meetings and picnics, wanting to be next to you at family parties and not having everyone in the family talking about how much he doesn't care enough to be with you or you shouldn't even be here with him because you're not part of the family. How you overhear how much some of his cousins and other family members hate you and wish that he'd hurry up and dump you for Samantha. He doesn't know how much crap I had to take for him when he wasn't with me and I always let things go to avoid fights with him.

My thoughts stopped when I finally saw myself starring back in the mirror almost letting a tear fall down my tired eyes down my tanned cheeks. I looked exhausted instead of nice and collected. I don't care right now, all I know is my feet are killing me and I still have to meet up with John later at the arena to go over tomorrow's plans. Ugh, do we ever get a break. That seemed to be a no even before I finished the sentence as I felt a pair of arms come around my waist and I saw Dave's reflection in the mirror as I gave him a sweet smile before I turned slowly around to him to see his eyes looking straight in mine giving off the happiness glow I've ever seen from him and that's when I realized that this is what I need, this is the guy I need to be with no matter what. No more kissing John or anyone else just Dave. That last thought excited me a little to be able to spend time with him on our days off. I moved my lips up half way closing my eyes and waited for his lips to meet mine as they did the kiss last for about a minute before both of us pulled away as I started fixing my shirt while he watched me with a sweet smile on his smooth face making me laugh at him and give him a gentle peck as we both pulled back and I started on his dress shirt four buttons that stopped right on his belly button, I could feel his eyes on me making me feel nervous and excited at the same time before he leaned in close to my ear whispering softly in my ear with his hot breath.

He whispered "We got an hour to kill."

I laughed so happily that I can't really remember the last time I laughed this way as I smiled at him shaking my head no and watches as his face turned into a pouting position, that face almost made me give in as his lips puffed out and his eyes showed a pleading sign. I spoke normally with a little laugh.

I said "It takes about 30 minutes to get there or 20. I have to find Vince for a meeting about my debut and to have to meet up with evolution for tonight's new scheme to take away the WWE."

He laughed giving me a sly grin before speaking in a soft tone. It made me think relax to see that everything is fine until Randy tries to get a checkmate on our checkerboard. I guess it's my move now. For right now I can't think of anything, but when I get on my own I will as I turned my attention back to Dave seeing the concern in his eyes stopping his voice in mid sentence.

He said "True but we could get their la-."

Before he spoke softly to me, he pulled me closer just when I finished buttoning up the last button before the top ones that each side of his collar fixing his collar as his hands slowly came up to take mine his hands slowly kissing my right palm as I leaned in his chest giving him a sweet hug that made me want to crawl in bed with him and stay forever just watching movies for the rest of our lives. Our jobs are for the people making sure they get the best show ever and somehow that made me feel excitement come in me as I wanted to get out there now and just do a match. Having all those people watching does get y nervous, but the adrenaline that comes along is something you never get tired of. Just like you never get tired of seeing different places and people, sometimes the traveling can get so tiring that you don't want to even get on the next plane, but you. I know, I've been there traveling with Randy or traveling back and forth to Knoxville to the office. I rarely traveled back and forth to my hometown the office. The luggage is also something else you have to worry about not losing it, one time Randy thought they had his tights. I almost laughed, but the sadness I had in my heart kept it from coming out as I just watched him go off on people and then after he started walking saying sorry before I ran off to leave with him.

Well, I guess I better start speaking before I get shock to death by Dave trying to make sure I'm ok. I spoke softly letting all the tiredness show as did the lack of energy.

I said "I'm sorry, I just really exhausted from all that training and moves that I had to learn how to do. "

He started laughing at me now as he breathed heavy still laughing as he shook his head at me looking down at the tiles that I knew were cold because it was cold in the bathroom. I didn't even notice where the vent is where all the cold air s coming to make me have goose bumps forming on my arms. I hate cold weather all the clothes you have to wear just to stay warm seems to be too much to deal with all I like to wear is a t-shirt, blue jeans and a pair of converse that's me in some nice warm place walking down the beach holding hands with my husband just as the sun went down so the night could get started. The sides of the beaches would have candles that are burning alone the beach glowing dimly as we walked forward feeling the wind off the ocean waves as they came up to wet the sand that didn't even have a slight chance to become dry.

He spoke lightly looking at me now with his eyes glowing lightly as I smiled at him putting my arms around his neck as his went back around my waist softly holding me lightly, something else appeared in his brown eyes that didn't catch my attention until I really looked in his eyes sacredness filled them just a little that if he doesn't hold me tightly I might just disappear, but I'm not. I see how much us being together means to him and how much he's willing to do anything to make us work something that Randy missed to see. I'm doing this to make Dave happy when my own hearts still breaking from Randy, I guess right now it doesn't really matter or does it?

The question seemed to linger in my mind wanting to be answer and right away, but I don't really have answer for it. That scares me a little when I think about my future spending the rest of my life with someone I'm not happy with, that isn't what I want. I just don't have the nerve to tell him, I can't stand to see his sad face in the halls if we bumped into each other at a hotel or arena.

He said "I could train you after you come back."

He gave me a wicked grin that made laugh a little before I patted his chest and moved away sliding my hand in his and making him follow me back into the living room as we parted ways I couldn't help, but wonder what hunter wanted to talk about, something scared in my mind that it was all about me. This made me ask him before I even had a chance to think about it. My voice came out normal as I leaned my elbows on the recliner back watching him grab his cell phone and his sunglass before he took my hand in his and lead us out the door of the hotel.

I asked "What did hunter want?"

He said "He doesn't want our relationship to collide with Randy anymore."

I said "In other words he wants me gone."

He said "Don't worry I told him me and you aren't going to interfere with Randy."

I waited a few minutes allowing my brain to process this information before I realized that I can't make my next checker move. This made me mad because I'm going get Randy back for what he tried to do to Dave and me. I did the same thing I did earlier talking before I thought as I said it with a normal tone.

I said "I got to get Randy back for what he told you."

I realized after I said this that he would think that I wasn't going to tell him what had happened and it was half the truth, I was in between telling him. I weighted my options very carefully, maybe he would realize that I did that and won't make a fuss about this, but I had a feeling my thoughts were so wrong. When he stopped dead in his tracks I knew my thoughts were totally wrong because when he turned back around to look at me with so angry in his eyes that I thought he was going to punch the wall. Only he didn't he closed his eyes for a brief moment collecting himself before his voice broke out softly trying to be normal and in control at the same time.

He asked "You weren't going to tell me?"

I don't know what to say standing there, every bone in my body went numb see that in his eyes is something I never seen or expected from Dave. Now I can honestly say this guy scares the crap out of me on a whole new level. I spoke in an almost whisper telling him the truth instead of another lie that can get me in deeper than I already am. Stupid mouth and mind that can't control what it says or thinks. I felt like knocking my head with something, but nothing came to mind nor did my eyes want to move away from his scared that if I did he might get even madder than he already is.

I said "I was weighing the options Dave-."

He walked off in mid sentence making me run to him on my blistered feet that are killing me even more now than they were as I tried to pull him around to me almost making me fall on my butt, but he caught me. The touch didn't last long as soon as he saw that I was ok and back on my feet he moved away from me leaving me there standing as he yelled out to me in his mad angry voice.

He said "We need to take time apart."

I felt my head become dizzy as I watched walk on and turn around the corner disappearing to the elevators, I want to run after him, but he needs time to cool off as I heard an arrogant voice come stand a few inches behind me making me turn around with a sly smile on my face as he did his seeing my troubles appear right in front of him.

He said "My work is done, if I know Dave and I do, you and him are finished."

I smiled at him slowly before I pulled my fist into a ball that was so tight I could feel my knuckle begin to hurt as I pulled it up at his face and punch him so hard that I'm so sure my hand is broke as I grabbed it immediately trying so hard to hold back tears that wanted to surface feeling the pain that is so bad I can just take 10 Aleve tablets and still be in pain, though I would never do that because then I would overdose. My eyes shifted over to Randy who is now so mad that I thought Dave was scary this man standing in front of me could kill me right now, but I don't think he saw the fear in my eyes as I stood there brave and ready for whatever happens next.

Reviews are great, thank you so much. Sorry for all the chapter uploads I thought about taking it down because I thought it would confuse everyone, please forgive me. Hope you like it.


	16. Why Is Leaving So Hard?

Chapter 16

Randy placed his hand softly on his cheek looking at me now with such much angry right now that my heart and stomach both felt scared. Somehow i can't let him see this as I didnt move a muscle from where i'm standing as he seemed to move closer. I could feel his hot lips on my lips making me forget why I'm so pissed at him as i drew him closer to me. All my feelings that I've tried to keep closed away seemed to bust down the door now unleashing me on him. Usually its him unleashing his self on me when he came home two days out of the month. I guess the time we spent apart didn't help anymore than i thought would have. I knew this is wrong on so many levels that i had to force myself to pull away from him even though i don't want to.

I felt my eyes look down at the floor seeing a tear fall from my cheek slowly hitting the carpet in mid air before disappearing somewhere in the carpet. I don't want to be in pain or misery, but I also don't want to be here in this same position for the rest of my life fighting and crying trying to get him to stop cheatin and be in a real relationship. Also for him to take some responsibilty for his decision and tell the truth instead of lies. Only when i finally had the courage to look up at him now, his eyes told me that he will never be the guy that i want him to be. I'm wasting my time that I can be having with Dave.

I spoke to him slowly not bothering to hold back my tears any lonber letting them show to him how much i love him and how much pain he has caused me over time.

I said "I'm done for good this time, i don't want you talking to me unless we're in front of cameras, I don't want you sitting next to me either unless we're on camera. I don't want nothing else in the world to do with you unless its business."

Before he had the slightest chance to speak to me, I walked away quickly almost runnning hoping in my mind that Dave hasn't left the building yet. I had a gut feeling he hasn't. Let it be right please. I need to straighten things out with him and tell him how I really feel instead of keeping things to myself. I guess I have a habit of letting things get fixed on there own. This time and from now on, I'm going to take care of everything myself with Dave. I just hope he's willing to listen to me. I felt a little spark in that hope that told me he will after a he gets over his madness at the moment. Then I realized time apart might do some good between us, make us stronger hopefully. The time will hopefully make me have more feelings for him plus make me miss him. I felt a little spark in that last thought that made my heart beat a little faster rach moment that passed and I wanted him to be with me instead of time apart.

I don't really know how long I've sit here, before I finally got the strength to pick myself up off the ground and start walking back down the hall toward mine and Dave's room. I began to walk a little faster to get my things finished before time to go to the show, but for some reason I feel like Dave's just going to walk away from all this and there's nothing I can do to stop him. That thought made me feel so weak that I almost decided to not give him his space. Fighting with him isn't helping and keeping things from him isn't either. I guess if I would have told him things might have gone smoother between us. I don't know in all honesty.

Before knew it, I'm standing in front of the door to my hotelroom sliding down the room key quickly and entering the room to see the bottle of watrer is still on the table. I passed by not even glancing around to see his things scattered everywhere in the room as well as mine, I havent had a chance to try to clean up around the room or get mine and his things together before our flight tonight right after the show. I made my feet walk slowly over to the bed trying so hard to keep myself together and sane while silently hoping Dave will just come walking through the door willing to talk this out. Dave's stubbornness will get the best of him always.

So without further delay I started packing slowly not even trying to hold my tears back any longer, I don't have the strength to anymore. I feel like I'm back in my apartment crying for hours and sleeping only a little. Only this time, I'm not in my apartment. I'm here surrounded by all my co-workers now. I feel like I'm trapped in this world of misery and each turn I take is more dangerous than the next. The thought made me want to just disappear all together for a long while and this thought didn't seemed to bad at the moment. Then I realized running away from the problems isn't going to help, it will only make them even worse when I do decide to come back. Maybe if I choose to go to Smack'Down instead. This seemed to make the light bulb in my head light bright realizing that I can get someone else to train me and this will help Dave and Randy at the same time. I could feel my heart drop at the thought also.

I removed my thoughts all together not wanting to think about the pain thats going to come after I decide to leave Raw. I stopped packing suddenly seeing Randy's shirt shoved into my suitcase. I could still smell his axe cologne coming off the shirt and around the room letting my heart not feel any better right now. Should I give him his t-shirt back or not? I did tell him I want nothing to do with him ever again, but it's not right to keep his shirt either. If I give him this shirt then he'll think that I don't mean what I say to him and this time I do. It's easier this way I think, well my brain feels that way, but my hearts feels like I'm making one of the hugest mistakes of my life. Right now, my life can't get anymore compliated.

So I threw the shirt back down in my suitcase and started packing a little more quickly now. I feel like the faster I pack, the more time I can start getting my life to where I can stand to be around the Raw lockerroom more and more without hurting to see Randy's face or feel guilty because of what I did to Dave. The thought made me want to make the healing process speed up to where I can finally be myself around everyone without breaking down in tears. I can only hold my tears back so much before they eventually fall down my cheeks to show everyone how much pain I'm in. That is not something that needs to be displayed.

A small knock on the door made my head turn around to the hotel door feeling my excitement rise just a little, before my feet moved across the carpet toward the door sending hope through my heart that it's Dave.

Only when I finally opened the door slowly, my eyes saw blonde long curly hair. Her smile seemed to nice and caring that I couldn't even stop crying a little harder than i was a few minutes in front of her. I looked to see her face expressions turned from concern to sad for me. This is my fault that I'm in this shape, why should anyone worry right? I made the decision to stay with Randy all those times and to hide the truth from Dave trying to decide which would be better for us. I guess it proves how wrong I can really be at times.

My thoughts stopped for a moment hearing Kelly clear her throat as I stepped aside to let her come in slowly. She looking around the room seeing the suitcases on the bed in the bedroom I knew for sure. She walked over to the right side of the couch sitting down slowly looking up at me with eyes that read she wanted to know what's going on with me.I walked over to the chair sitting down slowly. I felt like the time for me to leave would be right now avoiding all these seems the right thing to do. I know it's healthy to talk about your problems, but I don't really feel or want to. It's a routine I guess I got use to avoiding talks with Randy and now I do everyone else.

Her voice came out with concern and worry seeing me in this state.

She asked "What's wrong?"

I said "Men."

She said "I ran into Dave and his voice looked mad and hurt at the same time. I also saw him leave with some woman."

I felt my head begin to become dizzy from the news that seemed to linger in the room making me feel worser than I had a few moments.

She said "I can call Vince and see if he can give you sometime off like year or two, you can train longer and get yourself together."

I felt the truth in her words feeling like I do need time off from this place, I guess it might do some good. It never hurts to try. Only this time I feel like I can really pull myself together this time and move on to where I can be alone without the troubles of relationships. I think Kelly saw my expression and her voice rang out again this time more concerning than the last time.

She said "Randy and Dave can deal, I mean this is about you being able to get around without wanting to cry every second. This is about you being able to be happy without them."

I nodded at her slowly feeling my pain and misery becoming more and more of a reality than a former thought. The last six months seemed to be repeating it's self all over again from the beginning where I have no connect with anyone expect my boss and that's to get my work in to him for the shows. This time I feel like I can really over Randy and give Dave plenty of space at the same time.

When I looked back up to see Kelly, she was gone and that's when I looked around the room and then into the bedroom to see the bathroom door closed. I pushed all thoughts away and got up slowly walking back in the bedroom to finish packing. I felt like packing will only make me feel even more pain and misery because I'm packing away all my problems that I'm leaving behind. Then if I do maybe this time, they will just go away. Small hope thats burning really small at that thought. It can't hurt to hope a little can it?

Right before Kelly came out of the bathroom, I zipped my last suitcase sitting down on the bed letting the remain tears in this room fall making it harder and harder to just leave everything and wait.

The bathroom door opened slowly and shut the door behind her. I already know the words that's going to come out of her mouth before she even said word and right now I don't think I can handle to hear it. I just think it's better if I don't then maybe I can get out of this misery that seems to swallow me whole each time a relationship fails or becomes complicated. Each time it takes a little bit longer to get over it. Even though I think that it's been long enough, it's only been a short while. I feel like the longer I stay in this misery, the more chance of getting out of it will be so hard that one day I won't be able to. That scares the heck out of me to be honest. The whole in my chest resurfaced only stronger this time and more unbearable than the last time. This isn't how my love life is suppose to be, it's suppose to be warm and full of trust. It's about one person forever, not breaking up or needing time apart. Not having to throw the problem underneath a rug and forget about it completely. I don't really have much to talk about seeing as how I'm running from my problems now, but it's something that I feel like I have to before my whole world becomes fallen completely and then I'm sent to a mental hospital. That last part made me almost laugh, but the pain made it impossible to though. I guess it's not the time to be laughing and trying to feel good. It's about making the misery and pain go away.

Kelly's voice came out in a whisper that seemed almost unbearable to say.

She said "Vince said Two years off without any contact expect with him, just like last time. You can use his car and Jet to get home quicker. Meet the driver down stairs in twenty minutes."

Her face fell with every word that she had said after talking to Vince and this made me feel even sadder than I was before she came back in the room. I know why Vince said what he said, I can get over my problems a little quicker and easier on my behalf. I can't ask so many questions if I can't talk to anyone, expect him. I know he isn't going to tell me anything, he didn't before. Why should he now? He's looking out for both mine and Randy's interests and the company's if we can't get along. This can be good or bad for the company knowing evolution and how Hunter is about that group. Somehow I don't feel that scared of Hunter's mean ways anymore like I use to. I guess I got use to his mean cold ways that seem to not be used on anyone on evolution.

Then I heard a soft cry and looked back over at Kelly who had wiped away tears from her eyes, but couldn't hold the cry back. I didnt even think anymore as I got up slowly and went over to her giving her a nice squeeze before I moved back to see her face. I spoke softly trying to put a nice smile on my face that would make her stop crying and not feel bad about me leaving for a while.

I said "It's cool, I'll be back before you knew."

She nodded telling me goodbye quickly and exiting my room before I could see if she needed anything else.

My eyes searched the room trying to memorize his clothes all over the place, maybe if I do I can see later on if I'm ready to move on from all this. I felt like I will, but I don't really know. I don't why I'm feeling like this or why i have been through all this. I felt my heart agree with on that last sentence. I need an answer instead one that I can't seem to really find in me anymore. I don't know even know who i am anymore because of all this. I look at myself and it's someone completely different person. Someone who lived her life in completely loneiness for six months in order to keep the pain and misery closed up inside me. I lived my life minute by minute slowly scared that one day, I was going to go over board and I won't be able to get back the person I use to be.

I feel like all that's repeating it's self now, beginning over like a book that is read by new readers each day at the library not stacked in the back to never be opened again. I feel like there's no hope in me for moving at the moment, even though I'm ready to. I've considered that everything takes time, but I also want this to be over right now. I want to be able to be around the rosters without feeling like I'm just going to cry every minute I'm in front of people. Maybe after time that feeling will go away.

My eyes fell down to the floor trying so hard not to look at this room anymore and how much things are going to change once I come back. Dave might get married or have a girlfriend. Randy could also be married, I highly doubt it though. I guess the least I can do is leave him a note for later.

I began going over to the desk out in the living room grabbing a yellow tablet and a black pen before I went back into the bedroom leaning on the endtable on the right side as I began to write him a letter getting everything out in the open on this letter.

_Dear Dave, _

_I know what I did was wrong, but I did weigh the pros and cons because I didn't want to hurt you. I know I have now and I'm so sorry, I'm leaving because we both need plenty of time apart. Maybe you can find someone who isn't stuck in the past of her last boyfriend trying to act like everything's ok when it's not sometimes. I changed the number on my cell, don't try to call me. I'll miss you._

_Love you, Jennifer._

I ripped the paper out of the tablet slowly folding it in nice square and writing his name on the front before placing it slowly on the pillow. I felt my world crush right there in that letter slowly. Before I finally got the nerve to leave and let the process of healing begin for me. Even though I felt a knot in my throat as I grabbed my three bags and exited the room out into the hall feeling the coldness like I've never felt it like before. Right now, I can't deal with this right now. I walked out of the lives of Randy and Dave quickly not even trying to glance back at the door one more time.

Reviews, sorry its been so long and if it seems like its rushed. I'm so sorry, i been super busy.

Hey check out my story Runaway With Me. Leave me some reviews for it please thank u.


	17. Coming Back Can Be Very Hard

**Chapter 17**

_**Two Years Later**_

**Raw's show went off being replaced by some cop movie that I really don't feel like watching at the moment. I felt better seeing Dave and Randy. My tears didn't fall like they did last year, all the pain and misery that came with me seemed to be wearing away now and I feel like I can finally go and see them without feeling like I'm just going to burst into tears. Shoot I can even look at the pictures of me and Randy now without crying, but Dave that's another story. If I can really put my mind to things and focus on, I know I can keep them underwraps. In public I mean, but behind closed doors I won't be able to because I won't have anything to focus on. If Vince knew this, he wouldn't let me come back. I need to come back, being here is driving me crazy. **

**I head my cell ringing on the counter near the entrance to my kitchen as I got up slowly I wiped the one tear that fell down my cheeks. Dang it. I got to learn how to control my tears. Maybe I can do better at the shows if I happen to run into one of them. Hopefully I won't. Something inside me made me feel like I will come face to face with them at some point during my return. This made me feel scared a little. What I do if I see them? Walk on like I don't see them? Say Hi and be on my way? The second idea seems like a good plan if I can acutally do that. I doubt I will, but it's worth a shoot. **

**My thoughts stopped when I picked up my blackberry and answered it quickly. **

**Vince asked "Hello Jennifer how are you?"**

**I asked "Fine thank you, you?"**

**He said "I'm good thank you. Well your training is completed and I think your ready to come back to work on Raw."**

**I said "That's fine with me."**

**He asked "Are you sure you're ready to start working again?"**

**This made me stop for a minute and think about how his question sounded and how I should answer. I feel like I'm ready to go back because being here isn't really helping the sane part of my brain. It's only making it worse. Seeing him might break my heart, but I'd rather break my heart than stay here and not be able to see everyone. **

**I said "I'm ready."**

**He said "Well get yourself on the flight tonight to Smack'down tomorrow."**

**I said "Alright."**

**When I hung my phone, my feet ran to my bedroom throwing my gym bag and suitcase on the bed before I started packing quickly feeling adrenaline pushing through my veins quickly. Yes! I can't wait til I get there. Then I can see her on Raw tomorrow night. That made me feel better knowing I'd get to catch up with her on how she's doing and hopefully keep my mind off Dave or Randy for a while. **

**My eyes looked back down seeing that my hands had stopped and are now hovering over Randy's shirt in my dresser that's folded up neatly, I feel like if I touch that shirt then every part of me that has gotten over the pain and misery is going to resurface again. Maybe I should call him and back to tell him I can't do it. Then again this is the best test to see if I can hold my tears back in front of Randy.**

**That my made my heart feel better on that idea than just leaving it in his room with a note. That's too mean. Isn't it? I don't know and right now I can't think about it because I'm waiting on a cab to the airport. If I leave tonight, I can be there by tommorrow morning, workout, take a nap, and then get ready to head to the arena. The sleeping part seems like a good idea right now, maybe I can take a short nap on the plane. **

**A loud blow came from outside my window as I walked over to see that it's my cab outside ready to take me to the airport. Without any further delay, I went and got my bags out of my bedroom then walked out of my apartment feeling my adreneline pushing through my veins and my heart urging me forward. My feet moved faster than they ever have I think as pushed toward the elevator. The elevator doors opened quickly allowing me in for a brief moment as I pushed g for ground floor. I can feel my heart already ready to see Dave instead of Randy. I could see them tomorrow morning when I'm at the gym or tomorrow night when I go to the Raw show. This made me rethink my decision to go there, maybe I should have asked to be transfered over to Smack'down. Sure i have to see them at pay per views, but thats not as bad as seeing them 29 days out of the month. I think that's the better opinion. I can't get a chance at the Women's title there. I can manage I think with them around if I just stick my mind and heart to getting that one title and keeping it. **

**The ding from the elevator made my eyes look back up from the brown carpet and to the steel elevator doors that opened seeing the door man standing by the door looking out at the people that passed on both sides of the sidewalk quickly trying to get by other people. I moved forward normal trying to not to fall or speed before I make to the safety of the cab. I've gotten alot clumsy since I been home. I guess I'm not use to being home so much. It was nice for a while, but the walls got to me staring at them everyday almost. Sometimewa I'd go to my mom's to hang out. I'd go to the grocery store, but other than that I was home trying to figure out how my life got to this point and time. How could I have let myself get to where this whoole love triangle thing that happened. Is it wrong to be with someone who you don't feel anything for? Is it wrong not to tell them how you feel? I think its safe to keep it inside for a while until you be sure that you don't feel the same way about them as they do you. **

**My mind stopped as I made my way smoothly out to the yellow cab putting my bags at the back of the car on the curb before I sit in the back trying to make sure this is what I want. Somehow my mind is trying to over analysis this to find a lope hole to make me stay here where its safe. I wish I could turn that off completely and not try to think about staying home. This is what I need. I need to keep repeating that over and over agian until its drilled into my head. I can make myself believe it. **

**The front driver's side door made my head look up to see the guy getting in and asking me where I need to go. For a brief moment I debated whether I should just say nevermind and go back up stairs or just go to the airport and get on the plane. **

**"To the airport please."**

**My voice came out nice and collected making it echo through my mind at my decision hoping that this won't be a mistake. I can only pray that nothing will happen to make things worse for me like they were before I left. I wonder if I do see Dave if he'll say hi or maybe he'll say he got my note I left him before I left. I still don't feel bad about what i did. I think it was easier that way. I don't need to break down in front of him. Of course it's probably not easier for him to deal with Randy and me. I know it wasn't easy for him. I don't regret being with him though ever. I loved being with him, how nice and peaceful things were. I didn't cry and I didnt have to worry about where he is or what he's doing. **

**A soft sigh came from my lips as I sat back letting all my thoughts go leave me for the rest of the ride. **

_**45 Minutes Later**_

**We pulled up slowly to the entrance gate to the airport as the cab driver got first going to the back of the car and opening the trunk as I got out behind him getting out the right money for him. When he got my bags out, I gave him the money and started off the airport passing the security stuff, then dropped off my suitcase, and then I headed off to the gate for the plane. I silently hoped I'd be alone on this flight and won't get with someone whose rude. **

**I moved quickly through the crowded seats and people finding my seat next to the window. I slipped my gym bag over my seat in the cubby space and sat down staring out at the night sky seeing all the stars shining bright in the sky. I never really looked at them until now to see how they light the sky up a little. After a few minutes of looking out at them, I finally gave in to sleep reating my head against my seatback. **

**I woke up to the sound of the pilot telling us we landed in New York City. I let my hands rubbbed my eyes for a few minutes before I realized that it was still dark here and the time said 3:30 in the morning. Great, now i have my sleeping schedule off alittle. Ugh! **

**I rose up slowly out of my sit and grabbed my bag from the cubby space above the seats before I started down the isle and out the gate. When I looked around the airport, I saw tons and tons of people here even more than at Knoxville. A baseball stadium wouldn't be able to fill this place. **

**I can't get distracted though. I pushed forward going straight for baggage claim. When I turned back around I saw John sitting on a couch watching me slowly with that one smile with his simples showing brightly. That always makes my heart melt, I wanted to walk away and not even go there. He didn't do anything wrong though. Why be mean? To be on the safe side of things. If I'm mean maybe then I can shield my heart from everyone else and be able to make sure I've ever be able to get myself back into that position again. **

**I hadn't even noticed that he had moved from his sit as he took my suitcase swiftly from me with his left hand and took my hand in his free hand. I didnt have the courage to remove it from his. I guess my heart seemed to be needing his touch for a moment before I really do fall to pieces.**

**John's voice rang out smooth and cool. My eyes drifted up to John's right side of his face as his eyes stared straight ahead not trying to show an emotion. **

**"Vince wanted to make sure you got the arena alright." He said.**

**"Does anyone else know I'm back?" I asked. Apart of me wanted to know this and the other part of me would rather it be a surprise.**

**"Just me and Vince."**

**His sounded happy that Vince told him that I'm coming back. Even though this made me a little happy, my scaredness of running into Randy or Dave still happens to be in full effect. I think seeing John sitting on the couch made forget the scaredness for a while. **

**I nodded slowly moving my eyes back to the four set of doors to the entrance and exit of the airport as we headed through security. I hate going through security becaues it takes forever to get through. They check everything, its bad if your late for a flight because you'll miss the plane. It's always safer to get their early and go ahead, get through security.**

**When we passed through security and headed out of the doors, his hand came in mine again this time giving me a smile before looking straight ahead. Dang it. I should pull away and grab a cab. That would probably hurt his feelings though. Well it's better to hurt his feelings and then have each of our hearts broken. Right? Yes that the plan just pull away. I don't want to though. I have to. **

**I removed my hand and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk slowly, his footsteps stopped a few feet ahead of me turning back to me now looking me dead in the eyes. Worried that something might be wrong. **

**"Can I have my suitcase please?"**

**My voice came out smoother and more normal than I would have planned really. I thought it come out scared and nervous like I'm feeling right about now. **

**"I'll give you a lift to the hotel."**

**"No it's ok, I'd rather take a cab."**

**"Look I haven't seen you in two years and the last time I did see you was before you went into your hotel room that last time. Please let me give you a lift to the hotel."**

**I waited a few minutes looking over at the lot that separated from the other lot where cars are parked in every space. I tried to search for a logic and safe answer to his question that wouldn't let his feelings get hurt. Somehow I can't find one and my only option is to go with him and be very very alert. **

**"Alright."**

**He didn't take my hand as we continued to walk again to the car making me both sad and happy at the same time. Happy because I don't need the stress in my life and sad because I want him to. Is that bad? Right now I don't really have answer for that question at the moment. I wish I would have asked for a transfer to Smack'down. I can live without a title match. **

**I didn't realize that John had stopped until I had almost bumped into his chest. My eyes flowwed slowly up to his blue eyes. **

**"You ok?" He asked.**

**I nodded moving to the left and throwing my bag into the back seat of the Ford Explorer and getting in the front slowly trying to keep myself calm and collected instead of falling to pieces. Maybe if I do, I might feel better. Heck I don't know anymore and I don't feel like thinking about all this right now. **

**I leaned back hearing the driver's door open and close quickly before the car started. We pulled out of the parking lot and onto the highway as I saw the lightpolls flash watching the stars go by quickly.**

**"How was your vacation?"**

**I looked over at him slowly. **

**"I guess nice for a while."**

**"Did you complete your training?"**

**"Yeah."**

**He nodded slowly letting his right hand come off the steering wheel and grab mine hand. I wanted to pull away from him, but my heart won't let me. Its wants to feel his touch. How the eletricity flows through my hand and through the rest of my body makes me glow more than Randy or Dave can or could do. Does that make any sense?**

**"This can't happen?"**

**"What can't happen?"**

**"Me and you."**

**"Why not?"**

**"I'm not going into anymore relationships with anyone ever again."**

**"You're going to just draw the line with them. You're not even going to give me a chance."**

**I waited a few minutes slowly trying to keep myself calmed and collected. Before I can speak to him again, I feel both angry and hurt rising. Angry because of what he said. Hurt because this is a topic I'd rather not talk about.**

**"I'm a loner now." **

**He moved his head away from the road just for a minute before placeing them back on the road. I almost closed my eyes scared we might wreck. They way his eyes moved from side to side made me feel like he's really hurt, but trying to push for more angry than hurt. Trying to hide everything except his hurt.**

**"Friends?"**

**I waited a few moments to see if he's serious or not. When i saw that he's serious, I nodded slowly looking to see over that we're here at the hotel as we pulled up to the valet parking. The guy standing in front smiled at us as he opened my door slowly. He had a nice smile with high cheek bones and a tight jawline. His eyes are a very rare green color, his short spiked hair is dark brown. He looks in his teens, maybe 16 or 17 at least. **

**I smiled slowly before I got out and grabbed my gym bag. My feet wouldn't go ahead and start going into the hotel, instead they waited until John came by my side and motioned me forward as we walked into the gold hotel both outside and inside. THe trim looks so much like real gold that you see your reflection in it. The middle of the walls are soild bright white that looks like its cleaned everyday. **

**When we finally went in, I moved over to the couch that sat by the sliding doors watching cars and people go by trying to wrap my sense in my head that has disappeared since the moment I saw John at the airport. I need that one part of me, so my emotions can stay stable around him as well as my feelings. Yes I have a small crush on him. It's so tiny though. Does that count for anything other than a crush I wonder. **

**My mind began to spin with wonders now if anything will happen between us that I can't control. Well thats for later because I'm going to hea dup to my room and catch some nice much need sleep. **

**I moved off the sofa without even a glance around me slowly moving toward John as he guided the way not even glancing back at me once or not even one word to me. I don't want him to be mad at me, but I also don't want to get into the situation I got myself into the lat time I was here. Now if that's selfish than I'm sorry. I have to start putting my career ahead of me instead of love. **

**I continued to walk forward pushing my stubbornness even more. I will not be the first one to break this code of silence that he has pushed on me and him both, all because he wants me to give him a chance. If he knew what happened two years ago, he would understand why I made the decision I told him about in the car. **

**We pressed forward slowly getting on the elevator with a few other people as he pushed the fifth floor and stood back. We both watch the numbers climb up quicklly before the bell rang and the doors came open slowly. He let me by first as we walked down the hall. **

**His words came out normal as his tone did. **

**"This is your room."**

**550 said the numver above the peep hole as he let me in and dropped my suitcase by the sofa and walked back over to where I was standing looking at the balcony outside and the lights at the building across from my room. **

**"Thank you." I said.**

**"No problem. I'll see you tomorrow."**

**I nodded slowly before he slipped out the door, I watched the door for a moment wanting him to come back and talk for a while. Maybe even cuddle a little. **

**Sudden, a soft knock came on my door. My movement was more quicker than I expected, when I opened the door, my eyes seemed to grown wide as I looked at the figure standing in front of me. **

**Dave.**

**PLEASE REVIEW THANK YOU!**


	18. SLUT!

Chapter 18

My mind went blank as he stood there waiting for me to let him. I knew this would happen sooner or later. I guess I was hoping for later rather than now. In away its good because this won't happen in front Vince and the others, somehow it can get back to him and then I'll be on vacation again.

Imoved away form the door swiftly going over to the couch slowly sitting down and waiting for him to speak. I already know what's coming, why did you just leave a note? Well I think that we did need time apart for you to find someone else and for me to focus on my career and nothing else. That's the truth nothing more and nothing less. I can do that right. Why do I feel like each breath is going to be my last? I need to calm down and talk to him like a normal person, I think I can do that.

He moved over to the couch next to me leaving an inch between us, I can feel my heart breaking in the silence and we haven't eve begun to discuss what happened before I left and other things that need to be discussed. I don't want to really, I wish everything would just go away and be normal again. For me, John, Dave, and Randy. I haven't even seen Randy yet, I think thats the biggest obstacle in my way at the moment because I'm getting the Dave one out of the way now.

"How you been?" He asked.

His voice came out smooth and lonely.

"Good I guess you?" I asked.

My voice rang out in an almost broken tone that I almost let a tear slipped down my cheek.

"Why did you leave for that long you had me worried?"

"Time apart maybe was the best thing for both of us, It gave you enough time to find someone who can really make you happy. Time for me to focus on my career when I did get to come back. I had to prove to Vince I'm ready for this without showing one minute of weakness in myself. That's so hard for me because right now all I want is to have you hold me and tell me we're ok together. Do you realize that when I left, my heart broken into so many pieces I can't even begin to pick them up even now. "

My body moved to the floor standing up trying to make myself be strong and hold the tears in my heart. Something in me prayed that they'd stay inside instead of wanting to be released for Dave to see.

"You don't think I feel that way about you. I got news for you, I didn't find anyone else."

H didn't move a muscle as his hand came up to his glasses as he took them off slowly, I saw that his eyes had dark circles under them. My mind went completely blank without even one thought coming into my mind. Hurt and sadness came into my heart at that moment. I left because we need space and I needed to get my head into the game for my career. Now seeing his eyes and how much I hurt him, I think I made a mistake.

Then I realized something.

I said "Woah, wait one second. You said we need time apart and I gave you plenty of time to get your thoughts together and move on from me."

"I needed time apart to process what you told me that day. How do you think I felt when you said you were weighing the options to tell me."

"I was thinking about how much this would affect you in every way. I didn't plan on kissing him and I sure as heck didn't plan on him standing up and tell Vince he'd train me. Maybe if you had, we wouldn't be in this position right now."

"The second part you're right maybe I should have you're right, but I didn't expect you to kiss John back."

This made me look away slowly at the window seeing curtains showing nothing, but darkness in the i said next made me think someone else stole my body.

"Well we all do things we didn't expect don't we."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I didn't expect to sleep with you the day we had that meeting remember it was right before Randy came back from his autograph appearance."

He waited a few minutes and then a smile creeped on his face slowly.

"Well I didn't expect you to be such a slut either."

His voice sounded so cold and rude that the entire room went to below freezing on the a/c I know for sure because my entire body got cold chills all over me.

"You know what, just leave me alone forever and never come back because I want nothing in the world else to do with you ok."

"My pleasure."

He moved swiftly off the couch and over to the door almost pausing before he opened the hotel door quickly. That's when my entire world came crushing down around me even more. The sentence he through at me made it echo through my mind over and over until it stuck to me like glue and my tears that had been hiding became visible down both my cheeks making stains that would be visible until in the morning. What's happened since I been gone?

A loud knock came at my door slowly making me become more and more angry with every minute that someone is delaying my sleep time. Right about now I need some sleep to block the echoing of Dave's voice in my mind.

My body stood up slowly making my way over to the door and opening it quickly wanting to get this over with and done as soon as possible. When I opened the door to see who it was there stood...

Randy.

He wore light blue jeans and a pair of black and white sneakers, along with a nice black long sleeve shirt.

His face played a nervous smile as mine showed tiredness and wanting to go to bed.

"What do you want?"

"Is that anyway to greet your ex?"

"Look I'm tired and I jsut got off a long flight get to what you want or I'll slam the door in your face."

I knew the old Jennifer is down there somewhere. Can I come by in the morning and talk to you?"

I waited a few moments realizing he's not going to go away unless I give him an answer. This night is just getting better and better with a minus on the sleeping side.

"Fine."

He nodded swifly and walked away allowing me to shut the door and run start to my room. I enter quickly climbing on the bed and laying my head down on the white pillow only I can't sleep right now. Dave's words came echoing through the my mind again. I can't believe he said that to me. Maybe's he's right. Maybe I am. This made my tears come more quicker as I buried my head into my pillow letting all my angry tears going for a minute before I let sleep drill into me.

_The Next Morning_

The sun coming in my eyes made me wake up for a moment before I rolled back over to teh other side of the bed slowly feeling an empty space. I always seem to forget that no ones on the other side of the bed. I guess it's not something that can be easily forgotten. Well, I guess that's just great. I'll be doing that every morning.

A soft voice rang out making me look over at the white chair next to the bathroom slowly seeing Randy sitting there.

"Good morning."

"What are you doing here?"

"Well you did give me the ok to come over this morning remember last night."

"I didn't expect you to be over this earlier in the morning, besides I havent showered, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, or dressed right."

"I use to wake up and see you in just your tank top and shorts along with your hair unbrushed. I still think you're beautiful in the morning. This makes me miss all the times we use to wake up together."

His head dropped for a moment and this made me feel bad because I didn't really give him a chance to talk or say his peace. I ran away because of all the hurt and pain that he costed me over the two years and the other time we got together.

I said "I always thought you looked so cute when you'd wake up and mumble you'll get up in a few minutes. I still wake up and roll over trying to feel your body next to mine."

He stood up slowly before beginning to walk over to the right side of the bed and moving the covers back slowly. I guess my mouth couldn't find the words to speak or my tongue is tied with shock. I'm shocked because I didn't really accept him to say what he said. Usually he doesn't say that.

He slipped slowly into my bed before he brought me closer to him. I couldnt control the tears that seemed to be released over his evolution shirt. After a few moments I pulled away slowly sitting up in the bed now and thinking of ways to forget what happened with Dave last night, but for some reason I couldn't. My mind made me remember trying to get me to be the first one to apologize to him. I'm not, he owes me an apology for calling me a slut.

Randy's voice carried oiut around the room in a deep soft whisper.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Cant's a girl cry?"

"Yeah, but usually it's over something and I haven't done anything to make you cry yet have I?"

"No."

"I guess me being here has brought you to your senses to be with me again right?"

I had to laugh at that seeing his smirk come on his face at the site of my laughter at his joke.

I said "This is what made me fall in love you."

"My charm, good looks, and cockyiness. Every girl does. I just happen to pick the right one that seemed to have slipped away from my life."

"Well that's why you should have been more careful."

"Very good point. I do want to say I'm sorry for everything, you're right I did cheat and I did see another woman in Missouri. I never stopped loving you then or now. You're the right person for me. You've always been there for me even when we was amd at each other and I would have to go to the hospital, you were there. I wasn't always there for you and I'm sorry for that too."

I let more tears out knowing that I should have just told him what happened last year with me and Dave, but I was scared that I'm break up with him and he would hate me. I guess now is the time to tell him.

"Last year I slept with Dave that one day you had that short autograph signing."

Reviews please thank you.


End file.
